Funny stories. Unusual instructive stories with deep meaning
My friend and I were in mall and won a soft toy in a promotional quiz. We walked and saw a mentally retarded boy with his dad and gave him toys. He said "Thank you". His father nearly burst into tears. It turns out that the boy did not speak for several months.
Four months ago I was diagnosed with baldness. I lost my hair after a month. It was scary to go to school, I thought that everyone would stare at me. The next morning I heard a knock on the door and ten of my friends were standing on the porch with their heads completely shaved. Two of them are girls...
Recently I saw a picture - a domestic cat fell out of the window, hurt herself and could not even get up right away. Dogs with obviously bad intentions began to gather around ... And then a stray cat jumped out of the basement, shielded the cat with itself and, arching its back menacingly, hissed at the dogs, driving them away, until the mistress came down and took her pet away ...
I'm going home in the morning. At the entrance is an announcement: “Dear neighbors! Today, at about 9.20, 120 rubles were lost at the front door. If anyone has found it, please enter it in sq. 76 Antonina Petrovna. Pension 1640 rubles. I save 120 rubles, get up, call. Grandma in an apron opens. She just saw me holding out money, immediately hugging, lamenting and in tears of happiness. And she said: “I went for flour, when I returned, I took out the keys at the entrance - I probably lost the money.” BUT! She flatly refused to take the money! It turned out that in a couple of hours I was already the sixth (!!!) "found" grandma's money! People, I love you for what you are!!!
I work in a fast food cafe. This morning a man came up to the cash register and said: “There is a girl behind me, I don’t know her. But I would like to pay for her coffee. Give her " Have a good day". This girl was very surprised at first ... and then did the same for the person next to her in line. And so 5 times in a row!
The other day, my ten-year-old sister bowed her head to me and said, “You smell like your mother…” I almost cried. Soon it will be two years since my mother is not with us, but she still remembers her smell. It helps me hope.
I was seriously ill with angina. I was alone at home, I could not even get out of bed and cried from helplessness. My dog Chiara sat next to the bed and looked at me with concern. Then she left and returned with a huge stinking, greasy bone: she apparently had it hidden away for a rainy day. Chiara put the bone on the pillow and pushed her nose to my face - "Chew!".
My grandparents lived together for more than 30 years, then he left for another. Grandmother was very worried, but found the strength to communicate with him. new family, with his new children and grandchildren. She always helped everyone, never complained out loud… A few years ago my grandfather died. Grandmother was engaged in his funeral, collected commemoration, said all the farewell speeches. Today is the anniversary of his death. I know that my grandmother will take the longest to say goodbye to him, although she visits him every month anyway. The longest will be to fight with tears ... Grandmother loves grandfather all his life - both in sorrow and in joy.
My dad often travels for work. Every time he leaves, he hides a small envelope for his mother at home. And she always finds it: there may be a photo of them together, a quote, or just a note with a declaration of love.
They have been married for 25 years. My parents and their endless love and romance give me hope.
I recently returned from the institute and saw a war veteran near the Avtozavodskaya metro station. He was sitting next to the tablet, on which there were medals and orders ... His awards, which he deserved in the war. He sold them to buy himself at least some food. I went up, pulled out the entire contents of the purse and gave it to him with the words: “Take all my money, but do not sell your honor and valor for pennies to people who are unworthy of it ...” He burst into tears, took the money, collected the orders in his palm and kissed them, and then quietly through his tears he said: “Thank you, daughter.”
At times like these, I feel like I can change the world. They give me hope.
On the eve of my 17th birthday, my nine-year-old sister ran all day with burning eyes, so she wanted to give me a gift. The next morning, as always, I went to wake her up at school. And he said: "You can already give me your present." Even before she had time to open her eyes, she reached out and hugged me with her little arms. Then she reached under the pillow and took out an envelope with the inscription: “For my dear brother’s birthday!” When I opened it, I found one 10 dollar bill, two 10 hryvnia bills, one 2 hryvnia bill, one 1 hryvnia bill. It was absolutely all her money. I hugged her tightly and lay there for a long time so that she did not see my tears.
In the mall, I accidentally overheard an elderly couple sitting on a bench. The man looked at the woman and said: “Olya, we did it. We've grown old together."
I found my late husband's cell phone today. Charged. It turned out there are new messages. My daughter sends and sends them to him: she tells all the important news and in general how we are doing ...
I never considered myself pretty. Recently my fiancé forgot to disconnect after our phone call. And I heard him tell his roommate about me. How beautiful I am today and how light it is for him at all next to me. And how much he loves me. What is it - I roared. For the first time I felt beautiful. I love you Keith.
In the store, a little girl came up to me and asked: "Take me in your arms." I did so, thinking she was lost. The little girl just hugged me and then jumped off. I stared at her and she explained:
- I wanted you to smile.
I burst out laughing like that.
In 2009, I served in Iraq. During the explosion, I was seriously injured by shrapnel. An Iraqi soldier rushed towards me and carried me into safe place. And he said: "Nothing, you will return home, everything will be fine." He noticed the ring on my finger and saved my life.
My brother is thirteen and has blood cancer. Dad took a year off so as not to leave his brother alone in the clinic. But he whole year paid wages! The New Zealand police are wonderful people.
There hasn't been a storm like today for a long time. At work they said that someone was rubbing near my car. I ran into the street. Everything was the same, except for the sunroof: someone pushed it closer so that the car would not be damaged in bad weather.
My dears, let's do each other small favors. From this, not only our souls, but the whole world will become brighter and kinder ...
In this section of our site, we have posted a variety of short funny stories. For lovers of stories and anecdotes, these funny stories are exactly what you need. It doesn't take much time, it's loaded with humor full program, and most importantly - cheer up the only way! cool funny short stories- this is a kind of anecdote, only they are usually taken from real life, and sometimes it is in such stories that the famously twisted plot or the degree of comedy gives out such turns that you laugh non-stop for several minutes.
We hope these short funny stories will not only cheer you up, but also encourage you to write your own funny stories, which each person has quite a lot, if the memory is good. In any case, we will be glad to see you on the pages of our site more than once.
Reminds me of a story from my high school days. There was a thin, weak amateur astronomer Andrei in our class. Everyone who missed, had the honor to offend the calm and harmless "nerd". Once, at a physical education lesson (we had joint physical education in the hall, without separation of male / female), the boys pulled themselves up on the crossbar, and it was Andrey's turn. The first hooligan of the class ran up from behind to the pulling up "nerd" and pulled down his pants along with his shorts ... In complete silence, the girls' jaws slowly dropped, the boys got their first complexes ... Nobody offended Andrey anymore.
I, like my older brother, in the past - an avid gamer. Only I have always loved strategies, and he has rpg games. We went rollerblading with him. He rushes ahead and broadcasts something, turning to me. Suddenly I see - going straight into the pit. Very deep. My, then still a child's brain, did not come up with anything better than yelling: "Space!!!". You know, he jumped...
There is in the Chita region mineral spring Cook. Naturally, the water from the spring is bottled and sold. The name of the water is appropriate - "Kuka" ... Late autumn. Two o'clock at night. Little-visited stall. Sleepy salesman (woman aged 45). Single shopper (male). The buyer, knocking on the window, waiting until it is opened, holds out ten rubles and says:
- Kuku!
The seller, not fully awake:
- Ku-ku...
Buyer, insistently:
- KUKU!!!
Salesman:
- Cho, at two o'clock in the morning, did you cuckoo something? ..
The ability to sell goods well is also an art. We went with the men in China just to have dinner. Well, as usual, we decided to take one hundred grams. I go to the bartender
- Three for a hundred! - And I'm throwing money away.
The bartender silently places three glasses and an unopened bottle of vodka on the bar.
- I asked three for a hundred!
The guy's answer first plunged me into a state of mild euphoria, and then I realized that knowledge of Russian psychology increases sales, for people like him, to heaven. He said:
- Stay, bring it back.
Well, how could she stay?
One day, the management of a large Western company decided to hold an attraction of unprecedented tolerance. Decided to arrange a gay festival from representatives of all offices. An order came to the Russian office - to send 3 gays. Management thought hard. They called a meeting and started thinking. Come up with. A resolution has been issued: the leaders of the three divisions, which will show the worst results for the current quarter, will go to the gay pride parade. The company has never seen such production, sales, marketing, advertising, supply!..
At work, an employee says that her lover gave her a new gold chain, but she does not know how to explain her appearance to her husband. Everyone begins to give advice: like, say that a friend gave a vilification, she bought it herself, they gave a bonus at work, etc. One man advises: - Better tell me what you found. My wife, for example, recently found a gold bracelet. The man somehow did not immediately understand why everyone was suddenly giggling ...
Dacha, grandmother and granddaughter drink tea. There is jam on the table, to which ants crawl from different sides. The girl, without thinking twice, crushed one. Grandmother puts pressure on the pity of the child:
- Lizonka, what are you, how is it possible ?! Ants are also alive, they hurt! They have kids! Just imagine: they are sitting at home and waiting for their mother. But mom won't come.
Liza (squeezing another insect with her finger):
- And dad won't come either...
A friend got to write SMS until one in the morning every day. I wrote a program on smart, which automatically answers all SMS: "Yes, my love", "of course", "very", etc. - in random order. In the morning I saw 264 incoming SMS. The last one at 5:45 with the text: "But when will you, bitch, fall asleep ?!"
In the 9th grade (children aged 14-15), a scheduled medical examination was held at the school, including a gynecologist. For many girls, this was the first time: everyone's knees were trembling. To save time, a lady gynecologist of Balzac's age asks more questions than examines. The question is the same for all 60 girls from four classes:
- Are you sexually active?
- How many years? - with a positive answer
The lady was tired.
Actually the story: my girlfriend (P), having gathered her will into a fist, approaches her aunt (T).
(T) - do you live?
(P) - zhiiiivvuuuu (shaking with fear, forgetting the essence of the matter)
(T) surprised - How old?
(P) almost crying - cheeeeeeeeeteen ...
I have a friend. Works for a computer company, in a warehouse. And through the wall he has neighbors - a veterinary pharmacy. The doors are close, and therefore visitors are often confused. Yesterday he wrote to me in ICQ: “Today a man came, stood the whole line! I waited until the clients took the printer, floppy disks, some other garbage ... The dude eventually comes up and asks the question: "My horse is coughing ... What should I do?"
As a child, I loved to lean on the lid of the secretary. My mother scolded me very much for this, because on top of the secretary was a beautiful tea set brought by my grandmother from Ashgabat. And then one day, while doing my homework, I once again leaned on my elbows. There was a terrible roar. Grandmother flew in, saw a broken service, grabbed me in an armful and ran out into the street. And only at the bottom she came to her senses that she was in Leningrad, and there was no earthquake here. Oh, and it hit me then! And in the evening, my mother added ...
I am a very calm person who rarely raises his voice. But there's one way that makes me scream - mirrors in indoors from which there is no way out. My boyfriend decided to somehow play a trick on me, to make sure that I can raise my voice. One fine morning I woke up in a locked room with a dozen fairly large mirrors. He found me two hours later under the table in hysterics, the nightmares did not leave for several more months. The guy is no more.
I work in a cinema for two. Usually loving couples come. romance, movies, tasty food, wine, kisses ... But how enrage those who cross the line of kisses and translate the matter into a horizontal plane. There is a camera, there is an announcement at the entrance, and so we tell the guests, but it’s a pity that not everyone gets it.
My husband and I decided to take a serious step - to adopt a child. The daughter of our distant relatives, the fire in the house, only she escaped. Immediately she was silent all the time, then she began to speak occasionally. But two years later it did not move forward. I dreamed that we would replace her family, but she is still cold. I don't blame anyone, but this is so bittersweet.
I recently cheated on my husband because he is a fucking workaholic, and we had our last sex a year and a half ago. I love him so much, but I couldn't resist. I went to the city to a friend, went to a club and slept with a guy whose name I don’t even know. He fucked the whole soul out of me, and I returned home happy, to which my husband offered to visit her more often. On the one hand, she finally felt herself a desirable girl, and on the other hand, cats scratched her heart.
Grandma and grandpa met in the park when grandma, headlong, ran home, covering herself with her hands from pouring rain. She accidentally bumped into him, knocking him off his feet. Mom and dad found out about each other at the school disco when mom accidentally bumped into dad, knocking him to the floor, falling on top of him to the tune of "slow" to the tune. And I found my love in the garbage, when, without looking, I threw a bag of garbage into a barrel, and accidentally hit a guy, knocking him down and dropping him right into the trash. But found.
A year and a half ago I was hit by a car. As a result, a spinal injury, a wheelchair. My husband supported me as best he could, blowing dust particles away. Recently, doctors said that it is possible to undergo surgery, the chance is 50/50 that I will be able to walk again, but the condition may worsen. My husband, with tears in his eyes, begged me not to risk it, he would take care of me. I really started to fear intervention. And then my tablet broke, I took my husband’s laptop and found a bunch of disabled porn there. I will be operated on soon.
I have a strange mania for making up dialogues for various pieces of furniture. So I was sitting in line at the clinic, a woman pulls the handle of the office, the door is closed, and I immediately imagine a dialogue between two doors: - Oh, what are you pulling, tear off! Can't you see? Closed! No, did you see? She pulls here! Give me more polish on the handle erase! - Mdaa, here people go! They kick, they clap. Mom told me, go to paper ...
I often choose music for performances. This is a laborious process, you can sit for several days and listen-listen-listen until the notes that catch you slip through a bunch of music that starts to seem the same. And how many incredible melodies found along the way are now in my piggy bank and are waiting in the wings! I want to have the opportunity to show all the images that this music draws.
I have a tooth scar on my tongue. According to my parents, when I was two years old, I was sitting on a chair, and my older brother pushed him, I fell, hit my head on the battery and bit my tongue. Parents thought that it would grow together, so they did not sew it up. As a child, a friend called this scar a pocket, since a piece of skin can be pushed back with your teeth and you can see the indentation. Priceless is the expression on the face of the people to whom I tell this story and, in conclusion, show my tongue!
My grandmother is 84. She has beautiful makeup, hair, dress and high heels. She has a husband who is 17 years younger, who loves her to the point of madness. She runs in the morning on the balcony on the treadmill, cooks awesome, sings great and sews amazing clothes to order. And I just want to be like her, at least at 70 years old, and not like at 80 and a half!
No matter how much I get to know people, every time with amazing skill I manage to spoil the attitude towards myself. Because... Apparently, I do not understand the personal facet of each person. A careless action or a word - the relationship becomes strained, and they themselves are already like strangers. I don't even know how many times I've seen this in my life. People with whom, it seemed, he could communicate about anything and constantly, now barely exchange a couple of phrases ...
They put a heart defect, we have to fly for an operation. And then a friend says that it is expensive to deliver the body, and many people bring ashes back in urns. The positive disappeared, I saw how my husband was looking for the delivery of the body. She said how she spat ... I feel sorry for my loved ones - they are worried, and I myself became scared. We are realists, but here it is hard and scary.
In life, I am a gray mouse. But after sex I become prettier. The eyes shine, the lips become slightly plump and bright, the skin turns beautifully pale, the cheeks are pink. I even learned how to use it: if I had to attend an event, I made love before it, it helped more than makeup. I did not take into account only one thing, that this feature was noticed not only by me, but also by my beloved husband. My ex-beloved husband, who burned me beautiful after work.
I moved into the apartment where my friends had lived before. From their stories: they fucked on the table and made as much noise as possible, for which all the neighbors hated them. On the first evening at about 10, I decided to move the closet a little. Five minutes later, all the grandmothers of the world leaned out, shouting that I was a whore and arranging orgies, another half an hour later two policemen arrived. When they saw me in pajamas and my cat, who had crap himself from knocking on the door, they apologized for a long time, and then for another half an hour they reprimanded the neighbors on the stairs.
I never liked visiting my grandmother. They came once a year with the whole family for a couple of days, and the trash began. A booze with moonshine and a massacre, in which my grandmother and her sons participated, and after that she tried to enlighten the 7-9-year-old me about sex in all the vile details. In another argument, when she pulled up her skirt and showed me where to go, I found out that she did not wear underwear either. It’s a pity that I didn’t recognize another grandmother - she died when I was a year old (
Recently I came across a series about Katya Pushkareva. My God, then her image seemed terrible, and today she is downright in the trend, but everyone who was in style looks like a klucker. What a strange thing - fashion!
When the war began, my grandfather went to the front, and my grandmother and her four-year-old daughter left for evacuation. We lived hard, there was not enough food, my daughter was very sick. Grandmother was a beauty, and an officer in a high rank looked after her, brought stew, butter, chocolate. And she gave in. girl on good nutrition recovered quickly. When my grandfather returned from the war, my grandmother immediately confessed to him. He smoked, paused and said: "Thank you for saving my daughter." They lived 55 years together, and he never reproached her with a word.
I can't stand cash coins. Seeing them immediately makes me sick. As a child, there was a habit - to collect a change around the house and stuff it into your mouth. Years have passed, the habit has gone, but only now I understand that it was disgusting.
I hate this spring, because it's impossible to keep your eyes down on your phone! You get into the minibus after the street, bend over the phone, and the snot flows down so treacherously ...
For a long time in the office I picked out huge boogers and sculpted them at the table. I kept thinking that I would take it off. While I was on vacation, we moved to another office, the boss sat there. It's embarrassing to go back to work
As a child, I was afraid of old people because it seemed to me that they would steal my youth in order to prolong their lives. And because I was a sweet child, they often took me on their knees in crowded vehicles. Moments of horror.
My husband works in an agricultural company - he plows the fields and carries the crops. He drives a tractor at work, and when we get bored at home, he asks: "How much is 150 + 150?" I say: "300", - and I go to suck the tractor driver)
Before each flight, of which there are not so many, I put a status from the series "life is so short" or I make a post with the song "If I die young". If suddenly I die in a plane crash, then everyone will go to my page and think that I had a premonition of my death. I suffer from aerophobia.
From childhood, my father beat me and tormented me mentally until I left home. Now I live abroad and we communicate occasionally in the messenger. Somehow, telling him a story, she cursed. Dad took out the whole brain that I do not respect him, because "I cursed in front of him." And that if I continue to swear, he will stop communicating with me. And I really thought about the fact that I do not respect him and that if he stops communicating with me, I will not be very upset.
Recently I heard from friends who have a month-old child that, they say, it's time to baptize the child. She casually asked if they had read the Bible (no); do they even know "Our Father" (also not); What time was Jesus baptized and was he baptized at all? The last question drove them to a dead end. Then I asked why to baptize such a crumb. The answer was ingenious: "Well, wow, we're kind of Orthodox..." Orthodox, who didn't even hold the Bible in their hands, but wear a cross as an ornament. Infuriates!
Grandma always scolds me when she sees HOW I peel potatoes. He says that during the war, my cleanings could feed the whole village.
She was returning home from the store. The five-year-old daughter ran into the elevator, I drag the bags behind. And then someone calls the elevator, I do not have time. The doors close and I hear my daughter's scream as she rides upstairs. I drop my bags, rush around the floors, trying to figure out where the scream is coming from. She ran to the seventh. You should have seen the face of the man who was waiting for the elevator. When the doors opened, there was a little crying angry girl standing in front of him, who ran into him, yelling at the bass of a healthy man: "Where is my mother?! Answer!"
I define men by their ass. Rounded chubby asses or loose hips, more like a woman's - most likely, he is lazy, and he may also be cunning or a sissy. How many times did it match!
I started dating a 19-year-old girl who smokes, drinks and doesn't mind earning extra money for blowjobs. He wanted to put her on the right path, moved in with her, got a better paying job to support her and her mother. As a result, for three years he almost drank himself, and twice they wanted to plant him. Dropped and left. Fuck this charity. Occasionally we talk as friends. I don't regret what I did, and I'm not going to repeat it. I don't drink at all, I'm 27.
1. I always dreamed of walking in heavy rain without an umbrella and barefoot, but I still couldn’t decide: I was afraid of the sidelong glances of passers-by. And today I nevertheless decided: knowing that it was raining, I deliberately left the umbrella at home (so as not to change my mind at the most crucial moment)) and, taking off my shoes, ran through the puddles for two stops to the house) I came home soaking wet, and so happy that beyond words)
2. Divorced, living with a child. About once every two weeks I send him to spend the night with his parents. I do this so that my ancestors think that I have a man with whom I periodically meet, in fact I have no one, and on such evenings I stupidly sit at the computer and go to bed early ...
3. In the morning I went to defend my diploma in a beautiful dress and shoes. Defended. She returned home at night in foreign slates, a men's tracksuit with a kangaroo jacket. And in the "kenguryatnik" - a bottle of beer, yoyo.
4. I couldn't sleep at night. I remembered that in such situations you need to imagine yourself as a fat and lazy cat. Thinking that I would now easily and pleasantly fall asleep, I closed my eyes and imagined myself as a cat. But it became hot, and the wool was very disturbing ... I tossed and turned for another hour and a half.
5. I am a leader. And the superpower that I dream about is to appear in the middle of the office in flames with ominous music every time my subordinates discuss me. It would be fun...
6. When I drink water at home, I pour it into a glass with a colored bottom. Depending on the color of the bottom, the water seems to be colored into it. I imagine that from a blue glass I drank water charged with lightness. From green - good mood. And from pink - a romantic mood. And it works!
7. Educational climbing the mountains. We got up, had lunch and went down. It's easier than going up. I am inspired great views, I go tipsy and notice a butterfly of unprecedented beauty. I follow her and think: “Here she has space - fields, flowers, trees, mountains. Beauty. Sit where you want!" And now she smoothly and beautifully sits on ... horse shit. Metaphor of life on a real example.
8. Terrible power - shopping! I was in Europe, I saw a store that interested me very much, I ran to it and I even see that I will measure! I run - a blow, and I lie. I woke up - next to me was my husband, the employees of this boutique and an ambulance. It turns out that I did not notice that the shop window and the entrance were made of glass, and so clean - only my face was imprinted. Result: a crack in the bridge of the nose and two black eyes. What were the faces of the employees of this store when I nevertheless appeared there an hour later! Got a discount!
9. I live on the seventh floor. And my neighbor, that is, a big red cat, is in sixth place. And when he walks up, he enters the entrance with someone and sits down by the elevator. He NEVER walks. I do not know why. And when I go into the entrance, and he is sitting near the elevator, we both go there, I press "6" and we quietly drive together. And before leaving, he gratefully turns around after me and meows. It's so nice to help a good cat;)
10. Today in the subway a man let me go ahead with the phrase: “According to tradition, the cat should go first.” So no one has met me yet.
11. I wake up this morning from a feeling of heaviness: a cat lies on my stomach and stares intently into my face. After a couple of seconds, he winces and sneezes. So tasty yet, just like a person - splashes within a radius of half a meter. I told him: “You need to turn away!” He stood up, turned around, lay back to my face and ... sneezed again. God, I raised an intellectual!
12. Today a girl came up to me near the subway and gave me a book about Krishna. I thanked you politely. She asked for a donation. I handed her a wonderful book about Krishna with the words:
- Here! I take from my heart...
13. I have a thoroughbred cat, with medals and awards, owners with cats come to us from time to time so that my cat knocks them up. After the process is completed, when the tired cat jumps towards me, and I count the money, I feel like a pimp.
14. Be careful what you buy on E-Bay. A friend just spent $95, plus postage, on a penis enlarger. The bastards sent him a magnifying glass. The only thing that was said in the instructions: "Do not use in sunlight."
15. Lying on the couch, throwing a toy to the cat. He brings it to me. Now I threw it behind the refrigerator, he climbed there for a long time, in the end he brought a crumpled thousand rubles!)) Not a cat, but gold!
