The most interesting short stories of the week from the web
1. Today I heard one of my co-workers teasing another about his commute to work. public transport rather than by private vehicle. A little later, I heard the same colleague asking his creditor for a delay.
2. Today I told my patient that her son will be born with a deformed left hand, she thought for a minute, and then said: “I knew he would be special.”
3. Today a woman I know told me how much she suffered when her daughter died in a car accident. She could not recover from grief for a very long time, her life stopped, she constantly mourned her. And one night she dreamed of a little girl. She was carrying two huge buckets. It was immediately clear that it was very difficult for her. Each step was given to her with great difficulty. My friend asked the girl: “What are you talking about?”, And she answered her: “These are your tears, mom.” From that day on, she pulled herself together and did not cry anymore.
4. Today in the store I saw a girl about eight years old. She talked to the dog, stroked it and smiled. Her parents stood aside. They, holding hands, watched her and it was clear from their faces that they were happy. A little later, I found out that their daughter had autism and for the first time they heard her speak in full sentences.
5. Today, when I was crying because my boyfriend left me, my grandmother patted me on the shoulder and said: “Everything changes, but the sun always rises the next day. The bad news is that nothing is permanent good news is the same.”
6. Today, having stopped in my car at a traffic light, after listening to the melody sounding from the speakers, I began to drum to the beat in the air, as if I had a drum kit in front of me. Suddenly, I noticed that a girl from a nearby car was watching me. I was embarrassed and was about to look away, when suddenly I saw that she smiled and began to play an imaginary guitar. We kept playing together and then caught fire green light and our jam session is over.
7. Today, after five years of marriage, I finally decided to tell my husband where the scars on my wrists come from. In response, he smiled, showed me his same scars and said: “I understand everything. I love you.” Our love saved us.
8. Today I realized that for the past five years I have been thinking only about myself. And now that she's gone, all I can think about is her.
9. Today my 4 year old son asked me to play dinosaurs with him. And when I agreed, he was very surprised and to my horror I realized that he expected to hear “no”.
10. Today my girlfriend, whom I have been in love with for the last five years, asked me for advice - should she break up with her boyfriend. I said that she should stay with him because he takes care of her and they love each other.
Why didn't I watch Terminator...
It was somewhere in the early to mid 90s.
I lived then with my grandmother and I was 5-6 years old.
The Terminator (part 1) was supposed to be shown on TV, but it was shown quite late, at 10-11 pm.
I sat waiting for the movie for a long time, periodically sticking. But then my grandmother came into the room and said that they had broadcast on the radio that the actor was ill and there would be no film, and I sadly went to bed.
I didn't uncover the scam...
Yes shit this your Toyota!
From one forum.
xxx: Shit, this is your Toyota!!! Here I used to have an Opel - I just didn’t know about services! And now every couple of months I drive Toyota to the service !!!
3 pages sracha Opel Sun Toyota
uuu: So, people, stop, that's enough! And you, xxx, don't forget that you used to have a husband who drove your Opel to services, and now you're divorced!
About jokes in the topic
This incident was told to me by my grandfather. He got a job as head of safety engineering in a large energy company. Someone whispered to him that the aunt from the personnel department was very fond of jokes, this is what he told her:
“Scientists have discovered a new terrible disease that is spreading rapidly. Studies have shown that to prevent an epidemic, a medicine made from monkey eggs is needed. They called Vasily Ivanovich, explain the task:
It is necessary to prepare monkey eggs, tell me what you need for this?
More alcohol, Petka and the dog Zhuchka.
They singled out everything, and they drove off to Africa. A week later, half the order arrives. Everyone was surprised at such promptness and decided to send a commission to look. They arrived, they looked: Vasily Ivanovich was sleeping, Petka was sleeping, Zhuchka was snoring, half the alcohol was gone. Everyone woke up, asked to show the work. Chapay:
Petka, picture!
Petka poured alcohol into a mug from the tank, smeared it, and climbed a tree. Crept up to the monkey and breathed on it. The monkey could not resist and flew down. The bug ran up to her, bit off the eggs and put them in a box. Here someone from the commission says:
Petka - works, Bug - works, alcohol - is consumed, and Vasily Ivanovich sits, does nothing, not in order!
Vasily Ivanovich:
Me, for safety reasons. Petka, picture!
Petka gurgled more alcohol, crept up to the gorilla, breathed fumes on it. The gorilla went numb, swayed on the tree, but held on, and how it hit Petka between the eyes. Petka flies down and yells:
Vasily Ivanovich - hold the bug!
She says she laughed a lot and took him to work :)
Disarming simplicity.
One of my good friends works as an English teacher in Moscow. Further from his words.
I have been working at the school for the second year, one and a half rates in the subject, plus the rate of the teacher of the GPA (extended day group). This rate adds 7-8 tr to the salary. and the bottom line is that you have to sit with some kids from elementary school after school.
The other day, the headmistress calls me to her office and pleases me with the news that the GPA rate is being taken away from me and given to a certain Vera Ivanovna, because she (Vera Ivanovna) is an honored educator, seventeen years at school, and her granddaughter recently entered the university, with health problems, and it turns out that she needs this rate more than I do. Well, I decided not to arrange a conflict, of course it’s a pity for money, but free time will appear.
And here I sit at home, after work, I drink tea. Nothing foreshadowed trouble .... The headmistress's call.
D director.
D: - Anonymous Anonymych, why are you not at your workplace ?! (voice full of righteous anger)
Me: - So I have no more lessons for today, I'm already at home.
D: -And GPA?!
Me: - So you gave it to Vera Ivanovna, didn't you?
D: - Yes, Vera Ivanovna, but is she supposed to sit here until the evening as third-graders?!! You have no conscience!
FROM THE MOUTH OF A SMART CHILD.
Evening. Half empty bus. In the salon, a little girl tells her mother:
Now, if I find a genie, I will make two wishes, and on the third I will make him climb back into the lamp, so that later I can pull him out again and I will again have three wishes. And I will definitely make sure that you drive a car.
Daughter, so mom already has rights.
No, I'll make sure you drive normally.
Bonus humor in pictures
Well, a little romance.
As a child, I was terribly afraid to ride alone in the elevator, because of the fear of getting stuck in it, so I always walked up the stairs, since we lived on the 4th floor. But one day I heard that The best way To overcome your phobia is to face your fear in the eye. And so, somehow returning from school, I matured, and having gathered my will into a fist, I decided to ride this iron monster. And ..... of course I got stuck in it! Also, the light went out. I didn’t have a mobile phone, they were still a rarity then. The button to call the dispatcher was burned out and did not work. Parents will come home from work at 7 pm, and it was only 2.
I sat like this in the dark and locked up for about an hour, until my neighbor heard my screams and called the elevator operator.
In general, after that incident in the elevator, I did not go for another 10 years.
In the St. Petersburg Vodokanal, crayfish work as a quality controller for treated water. Ordinary crayfish, a few pieces. They sit in a pipe through which purified water passes and react to the appearance of impurities with an increase in pulse. The change in heart rate is recorded by sensors that send a signal to the remote control. Everything is simple. Moreover, this is the most accurate way to detect impurities in water, people have not yet come up with more accurate sensors. Cancers work in shifts for several years. Then they are released into the wild (sent to retire) and taken to the service of others, younger. And, the most interesting: only male crayfish are hired. And feminism has absolutely nothing to do with it. The fact is that females are of little use for this work. They are more emotional, distracted by everything - turning on the light, noise, people, other females ... And therefore, their pulse changes not only for the appearance of impurities in the water, but for any reason. In general, everything is like with people.
Galya is 54 years old. Galya is a professional. I hired her. Clean office 300 sq.m. Salary 20 thousand Russian rubles plus our consumables. I told the office manager Olesya to buy fiber rags for Galya, a blue plastic bucket, Doctor Proper 5 liters, two liters of window cleaner, a long-handled dustpan, Komet and Domestos in assortment.
“Don’t buy mops,” says Galya, “Only wooden brushes for them, without sticks. I have my own stick.
And he takes out a perfectly polished stick with wrapping for any brush from the leatherette case. On the stick there is a marking "under the palm", apparently of individual manufacture. Color mahogany with light Egyptian pattern on the edges.
- Here - says Galya - A well-known mop master did it. Ionov. Thundered all over Soviet Union. It's a pity he died about ten years ago, and his only student, Zhuchko, betrayed his profession, went to make cues for billiards. Sorry Ion. Now there are no such masters that you ...
I believe Gail. Galya is a professional. I hired her. I
Possible profanity. To see the word, disable the censor at the bottom of the page and refresh the page.
.Partners have arrived. I ask if they want coffee or tea.
Yes, coffee, please, the man said.
"Me too coffee," the woman said contemptuously.
We are in negotiations. The man gesticulates animatedly, explaining the nuances, the woman sits, arrogantly looking at everyone. Even coffee sips through his teeth. Although it seems that the agreement has already been signed, it is mutually beneficial. Why is it all?
The meeting is over. The man said goodbye to everyone by the hand, thanking for their cooperation. The woman impassively trotted towards the exit.
My thoughts about negotiating arrogance were interrupted by my boss:
No, did you see how cool her face got Botox? You need to ask the contacts of her beautician.
It was in the distant student days. Once we went to a hostel with a friend, talked about the plight of the students. The scholarship then was 180 rubles, and a pack of the simplest dumplings, for example, cost 35 rubles. So figure out how you could live on such monstrous money.
I had a couple of tens hanging in my pocket, a friend had a fifty, but we understood that this was for us for a day or two, and then the bony hands of hunger would close around our necks. The friend took out the last cigarette, tried to light it, but the lighter ran out of gas. He turned to a decently dressed gentleman standing in the middle of the street, with a show off to treat him with a light. The man did not refuse, measured us with his eyes and gave out:
- Guys, do you want to earn extra money?
The offer was very tempting, but slightly alarming. Do strangers often come up to you on the street and offer to earn extra money? That's not often for me either.
But our fears turned out to be unfounded. It turned out that it was necessary to raise to the third floor about 7-8 garden concrete mixers, heavy and bulky units. We were young and healthy, and they offered us a hundred roubles. Money is not god knows what, but also work for an hour, as our sudden employer said. Yes, and this money would help to put aside hunger for almost a week, with proper savings. We agreed.
But everything turned out to be not so simple. The third floor was indeed the third, but the catch is that it an old house in the center of St. Petersburg: floors of 5-6 meters, and a terribly narrow staircase, only 5 centimeters wider than the boxes in which the disassembled concrete mixers lay. And the units themselves turned out to be heavier than we could have imagined. With obscenities and oohs, we somehow raised one upstairs and thought about it. It was terribly uncomfortable, I had to be afraid all the time not to pinch my fingers, but to turn around with a box on the landing between flights of stairs - it was a whole adventure. We seriously thought about whether the game is worth the candle.
- Listen, well, fuck him! - I said, - we are here for this steward, we will fall like bastards, we will beat our hands on the railing, and in general, will we go home?
- Well, it's inconvenient, - the comrade answered, - we have already signed up, what will we say to the dude?
- Don't worry, I'll take care of everything! - I said, and went to our employer, who smoked nearby - he will drive us away himself!
- Dear! - with some pressure in my voice, I turned to the exploiter of our labor, - you know what? We lifted one thing upstairs and it's not a damn thing for an hour of work! Raise each for 10-15 minutes. Plus working conditions. In short, a hundred rubles for such work is not serious!
The man looked at me sadly, sighed and asked:
- How much do you want?
And I didn't want to at all. We ate poorly and such work was really on the verge of the possible. I just wanted to go home without losing face. Like, it's not we who are such weaklings - it's you greedy cattle. I chuckled and gave out a sacramental:
- 330! To each!
The employer took a deep breath. So heavy that if his breath could be weighed, he would be heavier than all the concrete mixers that we signed up to drag.
- Okay, - another heavy sigh, - agreed.
In a slight shock, I returned back. My friend looked at me with hope.
- What? Home?
- Fuck it, - I answered, - we are working on!
The friend did not understand the reason, but did not ask. I had to work hard. We plowed terribly, dragging boxes for 2-3 hours, but it was very pleasant to look at a friend when we received money with him at the end. Well, still, three times more than we first agreed! Yes, with that kind of money you could eat for three weeks, with the right expense. True, as I said, we were young and stupid, they all went down on beer and snacks on the same day. Easy Come Easy Go.
According to my friend.
My grandparents are escorting me into the hallway. Grandfather is 80, and grandma is 78 years old, they have been living together for more than 55 years. Grandmother says: “They completely forgot to tell you! Grandpa came up with a new nickname for me, very romantic. I’m just like a Greek goddess now!” Grandfather embarrassed: "It's not worth it, stop it." Grandmother: "Well, tell me, let the granddaughter know what a happy couple we are!" Grandfather agrees, assumes the position of a womanizer, stroking his beard and raising his eyebrow, says: "DEMENTIA" ... and grandma jumps and claps her hands ....
I never dared to ask if they were joking or not.
Funny short stories
It was in the late 80s. Even then I stuck around mainly in the states, but periodically came to my homeland. And then one day my wife forced me to go to Kaluga to my mother-in-law. And upon arrival at home, she wakes up with primitive instincts such as going into the forest for mushrooms, strawberries, nuts and other nonsense. Well, one day I, she and father-in-law went to the forest. But in the states, as you know, picking mushrooms is, to put it mildly, unpopular, and I didn’t understand anything about them. Well, I wandered, wandered through the forest, collected some russula and as a result got lost, lost. At first I tried to go north, then east, then to the sound of the train, but still I could not get out. Everything, I think, hit, I decided to go along the stream in the hope that it would lead to the Oka. I found a stream, I go to myself, I auk. And then I go out to the clearing, in the clearing there is a hut, a black man sits in the hut and looks at me with interest. Well, I think, really went to the Atlantic. Then a sleepy black woman crawls out of the hut - and also looks with interest at my fallen jaw. I try to speak to them in English - then the blacks' jaw drops. They look at me in fear, and the Negro says to his girlfriend in pure Russian - where we actually got to. As it turned out, it was our Cuban friends who studied at the Kaluga technical school. railway transport and whom, it seems, they decided to send back home and they went underground into the forests of Kaluga. Everything ended well, of course, but a Negro hut in the forest of Kaluga is not a Russian policeman in Arkansas.
It happened in the dormitory of the Moscow Architectural Institute. The diligent girl Natasha studied at this institution. Such a stubborn girl - everyone is resting, and she draws !!! And next to the hall, where the stubborn Natasha worked, was the office of the director of the hostel, Mr. Rogov. And this Rogov, well, perfectly matched his last name. Here Natasha draws a skeleton (well, such a task) and she doesn’t like how the sun’s rays illuminate it. Natasha is trying to turn the skeleton to better illuminate it - and ... oh, horror - the skeleton falls and breaks into thousands of small fragments !!! Bolt!!! Terrible stomp - Rogov runs along the corridor, find out what these students blew up this time ?! She opens the door and sees an unfortunate creature over a pile of fragments in a cloud of plaster dust ... Natasha sees an angry Rogov and screams in despair: - I'll give you mine! Even Rogov laughed ... But Natasha never gave up her skeleton, she took it to America ...
We were walking, so my friends and I were celebrating a successful presentation at a scientific conference. Everything is fine. With jackets, ties. We got drunk on cheap port wine - we were drawn to romance. In the end, they went home. Fell asleep on the subway. I woke up - it's half past two in the morning - the metro station is the final one. We've arrived. I'm leaving the subway. Wake-up shakes, but already easier. I want to smoke. "There are cigarettes, but the matches have run out." On bus stop I go up to two seemingly quite decent men. I light up. And suddenly I get a question: - Boy, are you not a fool? Pause. - And then we are here, like two fools, we have been waiting for the bus for half an hour, but they don’t seem to go anymore.
Funny short story:
It happened to a friend of mine: he went to the sauna for the first time, and then he mixed up and went into the women's dressing room instead of the man's. Well, there, of course: - UUH! - Ah! - WOW! - the women were alarmed, they cover their beauty, as best they can ... One just sat naked on the bench facing him, so she threw her legs over her legs, and her arms crossed on her chest - and sits, looks. He apologized and asked her where to go to the men's bath, in which direction. And she, with fright, her hands are busy, kicking him: - To the left of you, in-oh-he is, the door is something ...
I bought myself mobile phone and set different melodies and sounds on it to know who is calling. On a call from home, I installed an amusing composition (which my wife really likes) - music from the film "Emmanuelle", during the loss of which the woman broadcasts in a languid voice: "Pick up the phone - the wife is calling!" I got a new job, they gave me a place in a room where only ladies sat. First work day. I'm a prominent guy, tall and apparently liked the ladies. He took out his new phone (like showing off) and suddenly a call is heard from home. Well, you know, the mood of the ladies immediately deteriorated (like a married man was hooked), but this is not the most interesting thing. And the interesting thing is that on that day, neither light nor dawn, the elder brother of my wife came to us, who urgently needed to find out something from me (I don’t remember what now) and he dialed me from my house. Imagine a dialogue after the words of a languid woman: "Pick up the phone - the wife is calling!" Me: - Hello Volodya, how are you? What's new? Why got up so early? You should have seen the eyes of my roommates. Now my phone is only on vibration.
After work, part of our team lingered to watch a fresh movie hit on the computer. One of the characters there utters a spell that summons the devil. And just at that moment the boss comes in. To which one of the spectators issues: - Look, the spell is real.
The niece pleased: on the eve he promised her to fly a kite. She is 5 years old and has no idea what it is. And now a wonderful day off is issued, we go to my grandmother in the village - there is nature, a forest, a lake, everything is as it should be. We settled down on the shore, and while I was sitting and dealing with this miracle of technology, the "kite", I lost sight of the child. I hear that from behind her childish voice: "Smatli !!!" I turn around and I see a snake in her hands (already). I sit in a daze, not breathing. She: wow!!! The kite flies up a meter and a half and successfully lands on my head !!! I jump up screaming and start dancing. Apparently, the association worked for the child - a kite - so you need to throw it. The whole picture was watched by a brother who rolled on the grass with laughter, holding his stomach so that it would not burst. After this incident, I'm even afraid to tell her about the washing machine - automatic!
I needed to find out the login from the working computers. I call my office. A nice girl picks up the phone. She has been working as an operator for a long time, she even managed to pass a probationary period. Further dialog: - Hello, please press the Ctrl - Alt - Del buttons simultaneously, a panel will appear on the screen and tell me what our login looks like. - Fine. Pause, after a while I hear: - At the same time it does not work. - Don't worry, use both hands. A long pause, then: - I don't have enough hands. - Why? Press Ctrl and Alt at the same time with your left hand, and Del with your right. A very long sniff in the tube, then with despair: - I don't have enough fingers. Now I am silent. Then I carefully ask: - What is missing? - I hold the buttons "k", "o", "n", "t", "p", "l" with my left hand, but "a", "l" and "t" - it does not work - there are not enough fingers .
A real case from the life of my friend's acquaintances. These most familiar people have a jeep, some kind of Mercedes, in which, among other things, they take their little son to kindergarten. Moreover, if winter and God forbid the child gets snotty ... And who would have thought that one day this miracle child will give out to shocked parents: - Well, why do all normal children go to kindergarten on sleds? I'm alone, like a fool on a Mercedes... My parents couldn't find anything to answer.
I walk in the park in the morning. No people, only dog people. And here is an oil painting... A lady of Balzac's age is coming to meet her, dressed almost in clothes corresponding to Balzac's times: a coat to the asphalt, gloves, a hat with a veil - a kind of second-hand bohemian. ... On a leash, a poodle in ruffles. A yard dog runs past a poodle, followed by an escort of males. The poodle breaks the leash and rushes after. Lady strictly: - Artemon! Neglect! The poodle sighs naturally and continues to mince dejectedly next to the mistress ...
A married couple of my friends. Nearby they look quite funny: the frail short Seryozha and the portly Galya with large “volumes”. Once, at a feast, after some drinking, someone decided on the question: - Seryoga, you are so thin, Galya is so big, but you probably have to carry her to bed in your arms at least once a month. How do you have enough strength...? - When my strength leaves me, I roll it!
In my distant youth, in student practice, I had to work in a geological party. Our task, among other things, included the so-called schlich sampling: for example, you walk along a river and have to take a sand sample according to a certain method. With the help of a tray, wash the concentrate and wrap it somewhere. The sand is wet, so people very quickly realized that it is very convenient to take the concentrate in condoms. Naturally, rubber products No. 2 tend to tear. Where to put them? Throwing in nature, then it was not accepted. I put it in my pocket - then I'll throw it out and go on, since there are enough pockets on the geological robe ... Now the scene is at home. In the morning, I eat my mother's delicious breakfast. Everything that was dirty on me and in the backpack was washed and ironed by caring mother's hands. At breakfast, I suddenly notice that my mother is somehow rumpled, as if she wants to ask something. - Mom, what are you doing? Did anything happen? The parent, after some hesitation, nevertheless decides and asks: - I understand that they can tear ... But where does the sand come from?
Somehow came to me old man and immediately dumbfounded - he asked him to teach him how to play the title motive "Smoke On The Water" by the western band "Deep Purple", and categorically did not give a damn about my proposals "to first master the basic principles of playing the guitar", saying that as soon as he could play the above composition , his acquaintance with the guitar will end forever. Well, the owner is a gentleman; I applied my remarkable pedagogical experience, and in a couple of weeks my grandfather was quite dashingly and with a twinkle playing “Smoke on the Water” no worse than the old Ritchie Blackmore (the guitarist of these same Deep Purple, in case someone doesn’t know). At the end of the training, when he handed me the due amount, I asked him: - Tell me, uncle, why do you need all this?!? To which he replied: - Just imagine, I have the only grandson - a degenerate who graduated from school, does not work, does not study, but sits all day long, locked in his room, learning the same melody on the guitar ... Just imagine, when I enter his room, take away his instrument and say: - Granddaughter, what a fool you are... Look, even I can play this nonsense. Go to work!
"I, Smirnov Semyon Semenovich, on the merits of the incident, I can explain the following. At about 18:00 on March 10, 2011, I went to the gym, where I do breathing exercises. I was preparing for the lesson, I was extremely calm, balanced and attentive. I was driving my car along Trifonovskaya Street, at the green traffic light. Unexpectedly for everyone, ignoring the red traffic light, a black Infiniti FX car drove to the intersection and collided with my car. I saw the driver and passenger, visually reminiscent of the Spaniards, and friendly asked them mother tongue: "Does it smell of red light?" In response, the approacher hit me in the face, after which I lost consciousness, and the ambulance doctor brought me to myself. I could not insult or physically influence my opponents. The presence of the attackers in the trunk during the arrival of the traffic police, presumably, I explain by waiting (sitting in the open trunk due to dizziness from the impact during the accident), and involuntarily pressing the closing button on the key. I attribute the fractures of the jaw of the driver Aliyev and the nose of the passenger Akhmedov to the consequences of a car collision. I explain the injuries on the backs of my hands as a result of a car collision, because at the last second, frightened, I covered my face with my hands and hit the steering wheel. I am not proficient in martial arts or weapons. I can’t assess the material damage, because the car is insured under the CASCO program.”
Mammy woke up and tells a dream ... Then she says thoughtfully: “Some kind of nonsense is dreaming, and I’m like a fool, I’m looking ...” She lifted her mood for the whole morning !!!
It just so happened that I knew all the joys of a communal hostel, because for almost five years now I have been living with my mother-in-law. Somehow I get up in the morning and find a note on the kitchen table with the following content: “Igor, I fried cutlets there. So you don’t even think of eating them, this is for Lenochka, and you fry your own eggs. Mom "Well, I think, okay, I won't choke on scrambled eggs, but in the evening I will express everything that I think about you. In the evening, as you yourself can guess, an impartial conversation took place, ending in tears of the mother-in-law. I even felt a little sorry for her. Well, what is she?! I earn money and have no right to eat cutlets made from meat bought with my own money? The next day I find a new note on the table: “Helen, don’t eat these cutlets, I made them for Igor!” But I was afraid, these cutlets are, suddenly poisoned ...
An accountant is not a profession, not an orientation, not a nationality, and not an offensive nickname. This is a severe form of mental pathology that can be successfully used in economic activities. 1. The choice of an accountant must be approached very carefully, since it will be almost impossible to get rid of him later. 2. The accountant is not Mumu and only drowns with Gerasim. 3. A good accountant should smell like coffee, cigarettes and a computer. The main contraindications for using an accountant: 1. You can't shout at an accountant - he can withdraw, withdraw into himself and return from there with the financial police or tax officials. 2. You can't settle scores with an accountant. It is also impossible to bring a computer, stapler, scissors, electrical appliances and piercing objects with him. 3. An accountant cannot be hand-fed during the reporting season - at this time of the year he does not understand where food ends and where hands begin. 4. An accountant cannot delay his salary - he will take it himself and much more. 5. You can’t have human feelings for an accountant - otherwise he will feel like a man and stop being an accountant.
Funny short story
This real story, information about it was on news feeds, radio and television. One officer of the British Migration Service, working at one of the airports, has added to the list of terrorists ... his wife! His wife was on holiday abroad at the time. When she appeared at the airport, she was not allowed to go home to her native England! All this lasted for 3 years! The girl could not board any plane flying not only to England, but also to France, along with half of the European countries. What is most interesting is that the British woman was not even told the reason for such a ban. Since it is forbidden to disclose information from such computer databases. This scam was opened only when they wanted to promote the cheerful officer and staged a routine check of his past activities. The Migration Service, of course, condemned its employee and kicked him out of work in disgrace. But even his superiors admitted that this customs officer, among his colleagues, has become a legend! It became known that the customs officer was offended by his wife because she went to Pakistan either to help the poor, or something else ... so he included her in the list of suspected terrorist sympathizers. The woman spent 3 years in wild Pakistan!
After a lecture, a student comes up to the associate professor of the department of psychiatry and asks: "Sergei Nikolaevich, my friend Lately very often in a dream he sees a black man. What is this for?" Sergey Nikolayevich was in a hurry and, without thinking much, answered: "To the rain." Some time later, after the lecture, the same student comes up to him and says: "My friend needs to work at the Hydrometeorological Center - if she sees dream of a black man, then always, going out into the street, he takes an umbrella with him. And, most surprisingly, in this case it always rains."
There was a course of lectures on radiology at our institute. Lectures each time attended less and less fewer people. And according to the rules, after the lesson it was necessary to give pieces of paper with the names of everyone who was at the lecture. But students are friendly people, so papers were thrown for absent comrades. And once it happened like this: only one loser came to the lecture from the entire faculty. And he came with a plastic bag filled with these very pieces of paper. And no one else. The lecturer appeared. He asks: "Who are you?" And the student replies: "Who are you?". And it is not surprising, because the loser was at the lecture for the first time ...
One of the teachers says to a student who does not answer very well: "You are wrong, and if you want to deceive me, know that I rarely have bouts of idiocy." Apparently - rarely, but aptly.
The shift leader of the city fire brigade comes to his subordinates: "Well, guys, let's slowly get together - the building of the Tax Department is on fire."
Meeting at work. Suddenly one gets up. - Where are you going, the meeting is not over yet? - And I have two children, I can not leave them alone. Leaves. The meeting continues. The second gets up and is about to leave. - And where are you going, because the meeting is not over yet? - I have a baby at home. It also leaves. The meeting continues. The third gets up and is about to leave. - And where are you going, you don't have children? - If you sit at meetings like that, then I will not have children.
A colleague sent his son to kindergarten. He looked like a couple of weeks, then turned sour. Parents let's torture: - What happened, why don't you want to go? He hesitated and said: - Danilka said that the pisyunchik would tear off if I didn’t let him play my typewriter. I won't give you a car... A meaningful pause. Parents cheered: - What are you, son! He's fake! He's joking! Baby, it's sad: - Olechka won't give a doll either ... How is she now?
I warned my wife - if you dye your hair blonde - you will become her. True, now she is a brunette again, but she has already mutated from paint. So… The wife communicates via Skype with her parents, they live in Holland. The discussion is about the weather. Her father (my father-in-law) complains: "It's so cold that even all the channels are frozen." In response, he heard: "So what are you doing now, without a TV at all?"
How many times am I convinced that in Germany to introduce guests from former USSR in deep shock does not require much work. Recently, I am traveling with a guest from Moscow to the city "X" in Germany. We drive up to the intersection, we need to turn left, I look to the right, the police minibus has closed the road and the firefighters are doing something. Because of the minibus, it is not clear whether the car is driving to our right. The police (a girl and a guy) are standing near the car and looking, I open the window from the side of the guest, I tell the police that they are standing uncomfortable - the road is not visible. He quickly gets into the minibus, rearranges it so that the road can be seen, I wave to him as a token of gratitude, turn left and catch the shocked eyes of the guest.
I went to the clinic for an x-ray, did everything, went out into the street, I'm in a hurry to go about my business. I went about 200 meters away, I looked - disposable shoe covers were lying on the sidewalk. First thought: "Wow, someone forgot to take off and walked like an idiot." Then he stopped, looked down ... He thought and took off his shoe covers ...
Went to the bank. There are two ATMs there. On one hangs a sheet of paper with the inscription "We apologize, the ATM has run out of paper", next to the second person in line 10. I looked at all this and went to the first ATM. He slipped his card, withdrew money and started to leave - and then he noticed how half of the queue from the second ATM rushed to the first ... What were they thinking about before? No paper means there is nothing to print money on?!
A funny thing happened to me. And it all started with a stupid promise. At the end of November we started building the house. There was no snow then, but as soon as we got to work, it piled up on the second day. After the next snowfall, I jokingly promised that if the snow continues in such a rhythm, then after finishing the second floor, I will boldly jump from above into the snow. A joke is a joke, but the men caught me by the tongue. And just recently we finished construction, but the snow had not yet melted and I had to fulfill my promise. I gathered my courage, looked down, determined that there was a lot of snow and the landing would be soft, and, folding my arms at my sides, I jumped like a soldier. Idiot. At least raise your hands. I stuck into the snow with all my almost centner, like a needle in a down. No, I landed softly, but only the top of my head, or rather my hat, was on the surface. Hands are clamped with snow, you can’t move your legs, in order to shout, you have to eat the snow that has stuffed into your mouth. Situation. Plus, I chose a place where there is more snow, and such a place turned out to be reverse side at home and my partners had to dig a trench more than 15 meters before me. When they took me out, almost an hour later, my teeth were knocked out not by shot or even buckshot, but by full-weight bullets. But now I know the following: 1 - you should not jump into the snow from the third floor. 2 - if you jump in the snow, raise your hands. 3 - it's cold in the snow. 4 - I'm a fool.
It was when I was still at school, that way in class 10-11. At a break between a couple of chemistry, everyone leaves the class in all directions, the boys rage together. For some reason, I liked to rage in this way: near the chemistry class there was an electric shield (on the wall) just above my head, a weighty one, I liked to jump up and beat his head so that he knocked against the wall. And during this change, I did everything as usual, as I jumped up “Bam!”, the roar was all over the school, a chemist (an elderly woman) with bulging eyes runs out, for some reason she chooses me from all the boys and angrily like this: - You still have your head on hit him...
At the exhibition "The State Guard of Russia. History and Modernity. 130 Years", which opened in the Exhibition Hall of the Federal Archives, a curious document is presented in one of the windows - "List of distribution of food rations to members of the All-Russian Central Executive Committee and responsible workers", compiled in 1924. In the "List No. 3 of responsible workers receiving rations outside the norm and size (at their own request)", there are only 9 people. Including: “1 - Clara Zetkin (free of charge); 2 - L.D. Trotsky (free of charge) ... 3 - I.V. Stalin (for a fee); 4 - M. I. Kalinin (for a fee) ... "So, it turns out that in the seventh year of Soviet power, in a country devastated by war and revolution, two people already lived under communism.
There was a lady in Dneprodzerzhinsk - the head of the SMU (Construction and Installation Department), I don’t remember the number, I think 102, of the Dneprostalkonstruktsiya trust. She was a good engineer and leader, but she considered it her duty to suppress the feminine in herself. She smoked the roughest cigarettes all day, including in the office, spoke in a rude male voice, using profanity in place and out of place, drank only vodka at "corporate" parties, in general, in some ways behaved like Lyudmila Prokofievna from Office Romance, only much more exotic. True, unlike this heroine, she was a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother. But this is home... And at work once there was a cool scandal before March 8, when employees came to congratulate her with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. She cursed everyone, kicked out of the office and threw the bouquet into the corridor. And then she sat down and... burst into tears. The employees were depressed, confused, they realized that it was better not to remind her that she was a woman! But the booze on March 8 has not been canceled! And it comforted everyone!
Visited Vologda on official business. And driving through the streets of this ancient Russian city, I saw a striking picture. Imagine: there is a huge puddle on the carriageway through which cars rush without slowing down. Next to the road - a sidewalk on which to walk a pedestrian, and not be splashed - is completely impossible. And now two girls, eighteen years old, are walking along the sidewalk, and one of them is in a white jacket ... That's it - I think now the white jacket will look miserable! But it turned out that I greatly underestimated the resourcefulness of the Vologda girls! In front of the puddle, the girl gave her bag and purse to her friend, and she herself, running away to some kind of fence, returned, holding a half of a red brick in her hand. Now both girls began to slowly walk along the puddle, while the Vologda woman in a white jacket shook the brick menacingly in her hand, while looking at the cars passing by. Her whole appearance expressed complete confidence that she would not hesitate to launch this brick into that machine that would douse her with mud! I myself was in this column, and I really did not want to get a stone in the glass! The cars didn't just slow down, they stopped! And stood until the girls passed dangerous area. Well, how not to remember the classic: “There are women in Russian villages ...!”
In the late 90s, I entered the Department of Indian Philology at Moscow State University and needed a Hindi dictionary. The language is rare, dictionaries are not available, there are only in the libraries of the 60-70s, when "Rusi-Hindi bhai-bhai", Indira Gandhi and all that. But a dictionary is needed for daily activities, because the language is a specialized subject ... Somehow I went to a good friend on the Begovaya metro station. And there at that time there was a Krishna ashram. And now, passing by this institution, it dawned on me: "Dictionary!!!" Rushed to the bookstore. "Girl, do you have a Hindi-Russian dictionary?!?" The girl lazily looked around the shelves: "Yes, you can search ..." But I do not let up: "Tell me, how many thousand words?" And then the answer of the girl, apparently, completely gone into nirvana, struck me on the spot: "I didn't make fun, I didn't count!!!"
I asked my husband to seal the wallet. He glued it. At all. To not spend money!
"Red Book" inspired. I worked as a proofreader in a literary agency. I read: catfish corridors, platillia radish - I have no idea, and only when I came across the phrase "intra-aquarium community", it dawned on me that these are such aquarium fish ...
In the late 70s, an employee of the Institute of Biophysics drew up a task for designing a new building: an aquarium, a terrarium, an insectarium ... When the director urgently demanded a document to submit it to the government, the employee admitted that he added ... a sepulcarium for fun. The director laughed and said that he would ask the secretary to reprint ... A year later, the designers sent a question: where to get standard project sepulcaria? The employee came to a quiet horror: the project went according to the list especially important construction THE USSR!!! I had to impromptu “launch the fool”: - The premises are needed to perform special tasks in a closed topic, there are no such objects either in our country or in the world! - And what equipment will be there, will the floors withstand? ... As a result, a conference hall was built!
In the late 80s, I took the metro to the final station "Planernaya". At the Oktyabrsky Pole, the driver announces to the passengers that the cars must be emptied, the train should go to the depot. Everyone goes out onto the platform, the driver left his cab to look along the train to see if anyone was left on the train. At this moment, a slightly sober man comes up to him and says in a busty bass: “Commander, will you throw a gold piece to Tushinskaya?”
Went for a test drive. I went into the salon and happily said: - Hello, I signed up for a crash test for three hours! Skated without incident.
On control work in informatics. I was given a task and among the tasks was the task: "Given the matrix X(5;5)..." My first thought was: "Damn, I haven't seen this movie!" And it's not like she's a blonde...
Dawn. Early morning. We're going to the bus. In the kitchen, the wife sets the table for breakfast. A crow walks along the window drain and tries to peck at something. The wife, having heard the sound of her beak on the metal, turned around and was touched - "The bird wants to eat" - she put a crust of bread outside the window .... Since then, at any time of the year, every day, seven days a week, at exactly 5-30 Moscow time, a loud knock window. They tried to drive - it comes back, it knocks until it gets its crust. They tried not to pay attention - the force of the knock was growing - the nerves were not made of iron - it was a pity for the window. Repellers don't work. Kill - the hand does not rise. The wife is waiting for the crow to die. I'm afraid to tell her that crows live 300 years .....
We teach our son a poem in English. We have already experienced hysteria from misunderstanding and hopelessness and agreed that he would read the verse aloud 10 times for the night - and we part ways as friends. The child recites an enemy language, I slowly fall asleep ... A verse about animals, and there is a sacramental line there: “The cat is speaking to the rat!” And I wake up from a joyful voice: “Ze cat from sraking to ze rat!” I'm afraid to even imagine what he told the teacher.
While serving in the army, they guarded the airfield. There was a special room at the airfield where pilots could sleep and have a snack after long flights. Naturally, they picked up the keys to the room and during the guard at night they dropped in for a snack, but they didn’t take a lot of a couple of pieces of bread and a little lard. During the guard, the father looked into the room, cut off the fat, sits, eats - suddenly the lieutenant colonel comes in. I realized that the lips could not be avoided, and maybe the tribunal, but the lieutenant colonel said: “Eat, eat, son, there is no sin in eating” and left. A normal man turned out to be sorry for the soldier.
To the Great Patriotic War A Soviet radio station operated on Krestovsky Island in Leningrad. She broadcast to Finland in pure Finnish, on the same frequency as the official Finnish radio. The broadcasts were conducted in commentary mode: the Soviet announcer intervened in the speech of his Finnish colleague and shone with wit. For example, as soon as the Finnish announcer uttered the phrase: - Please, listen to the latest news! The Soviet immediately added in Finnish: - Well, that is, not news, but fresh Goebbels lies! Further, he told fresh jokes about Hitler, added a point of view to the news Soviet side and so on. In short, news releases with Soviet commentary have become very popular in Finland, much like films translated by Goblin in our time. This situation terribly infuriated the German command and the Finnish leadership. The Germans incessantly thrashed from artillery on woodland on an island where they believed the transmitting antenna was located. They could not guess that the steel cable of one of the 15 barrage balloons served as an antenna.
Funny short story
I'm in the fish department. In front of me, a guy asks me to hang a kilogram of capelin. - Take this one, - the saleswoman offers, - it's a little more expensive, but look at the quality! - Thank you, no, I'm for the cat. - But cats don't eat capelin, - the trade worker is amazed. - Well, uh... It's only the first three days.
For 10 years I have been working at the base for the production of monuments - I am an engraver and an artist, also a hairdresser and a musician.
And the owner is a terrible womanizer - every three months he meets another beauty and drags her to our base. As a result, either I cut all the guys, and we make fun, or a corporate party, and I serenades them on the guitar. And each of his passion "fires" me from work. So I have unscheduled vacation often, but not for long. I am blonde with long hair 165 cm and 49 kg.
My friend's name is Marina Andreevna, in connection with which I simply call her Andreich. We work in the same organization. Once I urgently needed to consult with her on a work issue, and remembering that she recently went to the women's toilet to get water for watering the flowers, I rush there. I fly inside and, not seeing her near the sink, I open the front door to the booths and yell: "Andreich, are you here?" To which the sad strained voice of another of our employees replies to me from the booth: "That's something, but there haven't been men here yet!" They neighed for a long time on both sides of the door.
Leaving the subway, a gypsy caught on. She began to tell about her life, offered to tell fortunes. It was always interesting how they bred, let me, I think, I’ll listen, you won’t fool me. I began to talk about my life, to guess. He says you need to throw paper money at the crossroads for good luck. Dala, then for the sake of interest about the continuation of the story. She impudently began to beg 1000 for health. Neighing over her and left - "I'm not a fool." On the way, she realized that she still had 200 rubles (two paper 100 each). Still stupid.
Once she was lying in a hospital on the territory of which, in the park where patients were walking, an onanist was operating - jumping out of the bushes in front of women and shaking his household. Women complained to the staff, they dismissed, they say, he is harmless. As a result, this bastard scared a pregnant woman who was in the hospital on conservation due to numerous miscarriages. She was 45 years old, and this pregnancy was her last chance to become a mother. She lost her child and hanged herself in the hospital toilet on her gown belt.
I was walking through the market, and a gypsy boy clung to me, begging for money. I, anticipating a grand success, uttered the magic word (#60354). A moment of silence, I look at the boy in surprise, he looks at me ... and suddenly he starts to laugh wildly. I called my buddies, and about ten of their gang were already freaking out at me. Fucked up, I stomped out of there. Either I pronounce "Ajenkar" incorrectly, or we, in Uzbekistan, have gypsies wrong.
My father raised both me and my older sister, my mother's daughter from her first marriage. There were no special differences, both of us were treated equally by our parents. Recently died grandfather - dad's father, remained good flat. Dad immediately renounced the inheritance in my favor, but then my mother and sister were simply blocked! They believe that the apartment should be divided in half between me and my sister. And they don't care that it was MY grandfather who was absolutely indifferent to my sister. I've moved out, and dad's brain is taken out every day.
When she was little, she dreamed of a brother or, at worst, a sister, but her parents still did not make a second child. Plans have been brewing in my head for years to kidnap a baby. At the age of five or six, I already knew where to steal a stroller so that no one was missed, diapers, diapers, even how to take the child away unnoticed. I knew how to break the news to my parents. But I didn’t dare to do this “heroism”, because I was afraid to drop the baby during the abduction - I understood that my girlish strength would not be enough, and it was dangerous to take a partner - it would suddenly lay down, and all my brilliant plans would end. The kidnapping never took place, but now I have four brothers.
When I was 10, I wanted a hamster. I bought a hamster, a cage and brought it all home. The first shock came when, a week later, the hamster, according to the seller, was a boy, gave birth to a whole brood of hamsters. Nothing to do but flush them down the toilet. Left. But the insidious Khoma had a different opinion: he bit off his children's heads and knocked them out of the cage. Found later by the cadaverous smell from under the bed.
I had a neighbor as a child, we were good friends. She had a big box with her toys on her balcony at home, where we always played. One day we found pills there and decided to play doctor. I was a doctor, and she was a patient, and she ate a pack of pills on my instructions. She started throwing up 10 minutes after that and we told her mom everything. The reaction of her mother: “What’s wrong with that, she ate three crayons from cockroaches yesterday and is as healthy as ever.” She didn't even call an ambulance.
A long time ago, in difficult times, I promised myself that if I had a car, I would pick up mothers with children or elderly people at bus stops and give me a ride. Now, when there is such an opportunity, I always stop and offer my help. It's nice to be smiled and thanked. There is incredible happiness in my heart because I did a good deed.
I am a student and have been keeping a diary for three years now. I write down everything I need there, I even drew a calendar by hand, I draw it up beautifully and neatly. And how infuriating that I can’t calmly get it somewhere, if necessary (at school, for example), it immediately begins: “What, memory fails?”, “Oh, come on, show me what you are writing here?” , "Tear out a leaf from your notebook, you need to write down something." In a polite manner, I make it clear that this is my personal space, and that you should not stick your nose here.
At the age of six, I had seen enough films about love, so every evening, with folded hands, I waited for my prince by the window. And he came. True, he was 10 years older, but then it did not bother me. My beloved did not pay attention to me, then I decided to take matters into my own hands. Now, instead of sitting by the window, I went out to the lake and beat the water with a stick. At the time, when I was six years old, it seemed very attractive.
I live in the Middle Urals. The weather here changes with the speed of mood of a pregnant lady with PMS... Hot summer here is like winning the lottery. I am sitting at home, working, and outside the window is June, -1 ° C, snow. Therefore, I sit in warm slippers, pants and a sweater. Summer, damn it.
As a child, my grandmother drove me to hysterics, saying all the time, they say, you are not native, that's why you didn’t work out, look at your cousin - she is golden, and you are rotten blood. Now I think about it and I don’t understand what motivated grown woman. Mom's parents died, grandmother took her under guardianship. Mom always helped my grandmother, our family paid for her operations, helped financially. Every summer I went to her and helped with the housework. I grew up, my grandmother changed her attitude. I'm sorry, but I remember.
When I was little, we lived very poorly, there was only enough money for meager food and pencils for me to school, and once I climbed in the cabinets out of curiosity and found a thick wad of money, asked my mother, it turned out it was for a rainy day. In general, we still have this pack at home as a souvenir, because one fine day money was simply changed in our country, and these banknotes became unusable. Until now, it’s a little insulting that they didn’t buy food with this money, but stupidly kept it on the shelf.
I work as a teacher in primary school. I am currently in 1st grade. There is a girl in my class: sweet, kind, affectionate. Her sister is in the third. Their mother adores the older one and has nothing to do with the younger one, that is, with my student. Girls come to school in the morning: the older one is overdressed, and the younger one with a tail, not combed, in shabby clothes. Mom often mentions in a conversation that during the holidays the youngest is immediately sent with a nanny to her relatives, and with the eldest they go to rest. I feel so sorry for my girl. The eyes are sad.
The most difficult childhood memory is when a neighbor came and said: “There your mother is lying drunk at the store, go and pick it up, otherwise it will freeze.” It was winter outside, my father brought her home and, throwing it on the floor to us children, under our feet, said with contempt: "Take your mother." And I sobbed bitterly from shame for her and for some reason felt guilty.
As a child, my mother found my personal diary and, after reading it, made a scandal, because I wrote not the best about them. She called names in every way, blamed everything. I was very ashamed. Dozens of years have passed, I'm an adult and now I understand that I wrote the truth, about my father - a loser, a gamer and a bl "dun, and about my mother - a lover of swelling. But I still don't understand why they yelled at me then.
For me, the sacred question is not whether there is life on Mars, and not even how hedgehogs mate. I'm interested to know who is the target audience, for which on the children's channel, on a weekday, at the end of May, at one in the morning they show "Guest from the Future".
It so happened that at the age of 20 she began selling drugs. I live abroad. And one day, for no reason at all, the police stopped me, asked for documents, and then took me to the police station. I thought that I would tell my parents about the reasons for deportation, relatives, how I would quit university, work, what I would do in Russia, how the trial would be held ... in those couple of hours I rethought my whole life. As a result, they confused me with a Polish woman living in the country illegally. Quit with crime.
Every time I watch space (whatever) I cry. I especially can't look at pictures of Hubble, clusters of galaxies. It causes such a deafening feeling of freedom, delight, all together. All problems go away. After all, what difference does it make who thinks about you, whether you spend time on pleasures or plow for days, nonsense like buying things. We are so tiny that we cannot even be aware of ourselves in this universe.
A friend said: they rested with a company outside the city - a private house, bath, blue and girls of easy behavior. Roughly walked, went to bed. At night, he was urged to go to the toilet. Toilet like a birdhouse on the street. He went, sleepy, sat down. Suddenly he feels something holding him by the end and pulling him down. And the process cannot be stopped. And the further you go, the stronger it pulls. He almost opened a brick factory there, yelled and ran out. It turned out that he forgot to take off the condom, it filled up and pulled it down)))
My father was a book shopaholic: wherever he was, he returned with books. Not by the piece, but by whole suitcases. I remember how, as a child, I looked forward to it from business trips, expecting some gift for myself, but every time there were books. After his death, I dug up and counted the home library. Religious, artistic, detective stories, science, poetry... whatever genres he read! Counted over 3500 books.
Decided to have sex with a friend, bought condoms with different fruit flavors. A friend, having decided to surprise with a new way of putting on a condom without hands, puts it in her mouth. For a long time trying to curb it in the mouth. Then, forgetting about me, he chews and smacks his lips with a rubber product. It turned out she liked the taste of watermelon. As a result, I was tempted to chew on a peach condom. They forgot about sex - they chewed condoms and watched a movie.
was returning home intercity bus sitting by the window. Two minutes before departure, a woman sat down and asked me for permission to look out the window to say goodbye to her sister. I waved to her, cried, here we are on our way. The woman began to tell me that she lives in the North and she often does not have the opportunity to Krasnodar region come. “I haven’t seen my sister for ten years. Thank you for letting me say goodbye, otherwise we won’t see each other for the same many years ... - she sighed. - Maybe, in general last time I see her, I'm already 67.
Where I live, the Internet is so slow that while it was loading and giving me porn in parts, I managed to have breakfast, wash the dishes, throw clothes in the washing machine, wash a couple of dresses by hand, boil milk, get summer shoes, take a shower, but nothing don't get excited. And consider in detail all the tattoos of the actress. And in the end there was an inscription - the connection to the server was interrupted. Not today, I get it.
Being small, adored water procedures or just sit, have fun in a bath with warm water. Could sit for 2-3 hours. She blew shampoo bubbles, washed her toys, floated her mother's clothespins... All this, of course, caused inconvenience to the rest of the family, because the toilet was combined with a bath. Once I discovered wrinkles on my fingers after sitting for a long time. I called my mother, she told me: "It's your scales that are growing, you will soon become a fish." I ran out of the bathroom with a roar. For a long time I laughed with my father ...
When the Harry Potter era took over the world, my parents bought me my first book. I read it avidly, and then gave it to a neighbor girl, with whom I was friends then. Who knew that her mother was a member of a sect, and, catching her daughter for the GP, beat her, tore the book, and then came to my parents with a scandal that they were "distributing God-pleasing books."
I lie on the bed, my husband is next to me. I say: "Something's not right..." He turns and starts laughing silently, baring his teeth and spraying saliva. Frightened, she rolled out of bed and woke up. Husband next. I wake up, they say, a terrible dream had a dream, hug me. He turns around and has no face, just smooth skin. I forced myself to wake up, I was able to sin in half, while my husband tried to hug me. The second day I go not myself, I'm afraid to go through fear again and wake up. Lost touch with reality. Scary as hell.
When I want to buy something, but there is no possibility, I say to myself: "If this is my thing, then it will wait for me." So I bought an awesome discount dress that fits perfectly at any weight, a cool skirt and many other "little things". But the most important achievement is my house. We looked at a lot of options, but when we went into it, we immediately realized that it was "ours". Stopped the price, which could accumulate only six months later. Finally a dream come true!
