Yulia Vysotskaya: “Physical activity should be with me every day

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PSYCHOLOGIES #13

Colleagues say about her: purposeful, demanding of herself and others, resolute. But there is another Julia Vysotskaya. Deep, worried, sometimes insecure, saying “I don’t know”, but ready to look for answers. Few were able to see her like this. But now we have such an opportunity. In our interview, the actress told what happiness is, why she stopped dreaming and how difficult the role in the new film "Paradise" is.

PHOTO Danil Golovkin

In the film "Paradise" we will see how Yulia Vysotskaya lives - with other actors and one on one with the camera - the fictional life of the Russian aristocrat and French Resistance heroine Olga Kamenskaya. And this image turns out to be so convincing that a clear feeling arises: now we know this actress better, we know about her what was previously hidden ...

psychology:

Was it difficult for you to work on this film?

No, I can't say that. For me, hard work is work that doesn't work out. When you can't find the right tone, when you don't have partners common language when the words in a script or play are foreign to you. This is hard. And here everything went on a very correct path, the whole film. What is perceived by the viewer as a serious topic is not necessarily hard work for the actor.

The higher the creative spirit - forgive me such grandiosity - than people best friend they relate to a friend, the better they understand what common cause they are doing, the easier it is. It doesn't matter if the end result is a comedy, a tragedy or a melodrama. And with "Ray" everything was just perfect, everything worked out very well.

With husband Andrei Konchalovsky and son Pyotr at the closing of the film festival in Venice

No, it's not about the difficulties in work, but about the emotional side. After all, you probably prepared, got used to the image.

Yu. V.:

Of course, I prepared. Andrey Sergeevich (Konchalovsky. - Ed.) gave huge lists of books to me and other artists. Literature was for everyone. For example, I read a lot of memoirs of Russian emigrants, books about concentration camps, including “Say Yes to Life!” Viktor Frankl. She made a very big impression on me. And of course, all this laid the foundation for the role.

The horror of the tragedies of the twentieth century is that a normal life can become abnormal in the blink of an eye - and none of us knows how we will behave

As for emotions… When I read Jonathan Littell’s novel The Benevolent a few years ago, I thought that I would never smile at any joke about Jews again… Probably, a year ago I would have answered your questions in a completely different way. But the shooting of the film ended a long time ago. And now my main emotion about those shootings: what happiness it was!

In the finale, your heroine performs an incredible, unexpected act. And yet it looks logical in its own way...

Yu. V.:

Absolutely. And if it looks logical to you, then I know its logic from the inside, I know much more than the viewer. I only had monologues on the set for three days of 6 hours. (Approximately half of the film consists of episodes in which the main characters talk about themselves, looking into the camera. - Approx. Ed.) It was a black box in which you do not see anyone. From time to time the director comes in. And you sit and tell your life.

Each person throws his desires into space when he is painfully lacking something. I don't throw anything away

The life of the heroine, of course, but it really becomes yours, because after a while you forget about the camera. And so I talked about myself for a total of 18 hours. About childhood, family - none of this was included in the film at all, it all starts with Paris, with the Resistance. But I knew everything from the very birth of the heroine. This is a life that was completely invented, created, and which I retold in these conversations.

As a result, the film included, probably, 15 percent of what I said. But I lived all 100. And the logic of the final act for me followed from these three days too. But I am absolutely sure of this logic.

Shot from the film "Paradise"

Have you ever wondered what you would do yourself? On the verge of life and death, when salvation is offered by a person who ...

Yu. V.:

Oh, we don't know anything about ourselves! The main horror of all the tragedies of the twentieth century and those that are happening now is that any normal life can become abnormal in the blink of an eye - and none of us knows how we will behave. I want to believe that I could then at least not hate myself.

Your previous film role was in The Nutcracker. It's been 6 years, that's a long time.

Yu. V.:

Probably, it happens, probably, I am an actress of one director. Perhaps no one believes in me as much as Konchalovsky. Well, and the material that is still offered to me from time to time ... I’ll tell you the truth: I haven’t come across anything particularly interesting over the years. On the other hand, I have a serious job in the theater. I have enough difficult acting tasks - the other day I played two "Cherry Orchards" in a row. And this is quite a tricky job.

I would hardly be in demand as a host of a culinary program if I was a bad actress

You know, every person, as they say, throws some of his desires into space when he is painfully lacking something. And I have not the case, I do not throw anything away. That's probably why nothing comes up. And then, any role for me is a small life. "Uncle Vanya", "Three Sisters", the same "Cherry Orchard", or a movie like "Paradise". And I have, probably, some limit of these lives. I accumulate something - and then I give out. And I probably couldn't do it more often.

It turns out that as an actress you rarely remind yourself. And for a mass audience, more and more become a media person, TV presenter, culinary specialist. Doesn't it bother you?

Yu. V.:

No, I'm proud of it. I would hardly be in demand as a host of a culinary program if I was a bad actress. There are plenty of people who can definitely cut onions better than me. But to make a process out of cutting an onion that is interesting to watch - acting data is needed here. It is necessary to interest the viewer, captivate him, make it easy, fun. So that everyone believes that I am the best cook in the world. I'm really a good cook - well, I'm a good cook. I love everything that has to do with food. But, I repeat, love alone is not enough to make a good show.

So you play a great cook?

Yu. V.:

No not like this. Of course it's a role. But for me, the role is the ability to do something better than others in terms of contagiousness. And I know that few people can talk about the simplest pancakes or dumplings like I can. I am aware of this, I do it professionally: I infect you - the viewer - with my love for food. In the end, no one forced me to stand at the stove in front of the camera ... And for a long time I learned to be indifferent to grades. Both criticism and praise, by the way.

With husband Andrei Konchalovsky and son Peter at the screening of the film "Paradise" in Venice

Completely indifferent?

Yu. V.:

I say this without any slyness or hypocrisy. Earlier, in my third year, I could not sleep for three nights, having learned that some director sees me as promising. Her heart was beating so fast that she couldn't sleep or eat. And now the impression from such a phrase is enough for exactly as long as this phrase lasts. "You did great today." - "Thank you". I guess now I know my opportunities and problems much better. And I evaluate the profession more objectively. You know, once a wonderful actress Irene Papas said an amazing phrase to me. She starred in Konchalovsky's Odyssey, and I worked there as a stand-in. This is such a ridiculous position - a person who puts out the light. So that when the actors came to the site, everything was already ready. After one of the takes, I approached her, unable to contain my delight, and she whispered in my ear: “Well, I deceived everyone again!” Do you understand?

I am insecure in the sense of work and, I am not afraid of this word, a cowardly person

We all, people of this profession, know something about ourselves. If I heard that today I did something well, then I understand: this does not mean that I can do the same thing well tomorrow. In general, in this sense, I am insecure and, I am not afraid of this word, a cowardly person.

Are you unsure of yourself?

Yu. V.:

Yes, for me every time is like the first. I'm probably brave, but this is precisely the courage of a person who is very, very scared. Who closes his eyes and jumps into the abyss because he is afraid of heights. Since childhood, I have been turning off the light in my room at night - because I was afraid to stay in the dark. This overcoming is still in me. The desire to prove to myself what I myself have doubts about. I remember the first time I ran 10 kilometers - I was 14 years old. Everyone has long gone home, and I kept running circles around the stadium ...

Yu. V.:

That there is no more enthusiasm, expectations, great prospects? Yes, it's probably sad. But it inevitably comes with age, I guess. You understand that you will never play any roles. And some wonderful adventures will not drag you out, because you know perfectly well how everything will end in the end.

Of course, this sobriety does not add delight. But what can be done here? I think the last "crisis of the genre", if we talk about dreams and impulses, was in my life at the age of 26-27. After that, I ended up with great expectations. I think it's important to stop waiting in time. Otherwise, you do not live, but do what you expect when you start living that amazing life which he invented for himself. Living with expectations is not a very happy life.

Psychologists say that it is important for us to have some kind of plans, dreams, expectations, projects. And the older we are, the more important it is. Otherwise, as soon as we begin to live in the interests of children and grandchildren, our life ends, turns into an epilogue.

Yu. V.:

Of course, I do not call to live in the interests of others. But if someone is happy that he lives in the interests of his children and grandchildren, and realizes himself in this, then there is nothing wrong with that. If this person has the warmest and most comfortable home, if his grandchildren are dressed in the most beautiful knitted sweaters and have the best gifts under the Christmas tree, if the whole family is in a hurry to go home, where vanilla smells from the kitchen, and the cleanest and freshest linen on the beds in the bedrooms, then this is also a talent and also self-realization. But this is not a story about me.

I always wanted to be an artist of one director. What I wanted, I got

I love my house, very much. But I like active life, which occurs outside the walls of the house. I love the theatre, I love my culinary studios, my restaurants. And she spoke about expectations in a different sense. First, do not wait for it to come by itself, but do something. And secondly ... I am also a superstitious person and I am afraid of these high expectations.

Probably, if I had always dreamed of playing Juliet or Anna Karenina, then now I would only do what I would bite my elbows. Because instead of Juliet she played Galya from Rostov-on-Don in Glyantse, and instead of Karenina - well, probably Olga Kamenskaya in Paradise. And I sincerely think that these are wonderful pictures.

Are you happy?

Yu. V.:

Happiness is a very short-lived state. Pyotr Ershov, a remarkable theater theorist and psychologist, said that the moment of happiness is when the set task is completed, and a new one has not yet arisen. It just seems to me that I'm doing something all the time, I'm not messing around. You know, I often hear - even from young people - how they, being in some process, scold him. Everything is bad for them, long, uninteresting. Two months pass, they meet and - "Do you remember how cool it was?". I don't understand this at all. I don't remember how cool it was, I feel now that it's cool. And I take it as absolute happiness.

You said, "Be careful what you wish for." Can you confirm from your own experience?

Yu. V.:

I always wanted to be an artist of one director. I always wanted to be what Giulietta Mazina was for Fellini, what Bergman's women were for Bergman, I wanted to be - a muse, yes, no more, no less. Well, that's what I wanted, and then I got it. Probably, to your question why I rarely shoot, this one phrase could have been answered.

Paradise found

Julia Vysotskaya was born in Novocherkassk. As an actress, she made her debut in Minsk. Known as the host of culinary TV shows, the author of cookbooks, a restaurateur, and also as the wife of director Andrei Konchalovsky. The list of her film roles was replenished with another role - the Russian emigrant Olga Kamenskaya, who ended up in a concentration camp during World War II. This new film by Andrei Konchalovsky "Paradise" in 2016 received the "Silver Lion" for directing at the Venice Film Festival, entered the shortlist of contenders for the "Oscar" in the category "Best Film for foreign language”, has collected many flattering reviews from reputable critics.

The film takes place in France during the Second World War and tells about difficult choices in difficult living conditions. The picture once again reminds us all that Yulia Vysotskaya is not only a talented TV presenter, but also a great actress.

"Paradise" - at the box office from January 19.
Other cast: Christian Klauss, Philippe Duquesne, Viktor Sukhorukov.

In an almost hour-long interview, the actress frankly spoke about her difficult character, her relationship with her husband, who is 36 years older than her, and also talked about sexual harassment - a painful topic that has been haunting the public for a year now.

In an interview, Vysotskaya noted that she has a rather violent temper, which is literally inherent in her nature - Yulia comes from a Cossack family. “My grandfather is Melikhov, and this desire to take out the saber all the time and start waving it is present. I sometimes want to solve all the issues at once with one movement of the hand, eyebrow or word. I've been working on this all my life. I must say that in relation to my husband, I wave my saber extremely rarely. I find much more sophisticated and persuasive ways to influence. He never brings the situation to the point that it was necessary to wave his saber. He knows me very well and understands how to soften it a little, ”the artist admitted.

Andrey Konchalovsky and Julia Vysotskaya ( photo gallery: swipe right)

Vysotskaya also noted that, despite the fact that she loves loneliness and enjoys it, restoring her strength, she gets great pleasure from work and theater. However, despite her impressive number of years on stage and in front of the camera, she still needs fear and excitement. “In order for me to begin to enjoy, fear must arise. Before going on stage, I'm scared every time, ”said Vysotskaya. Nevertheless, Julia, by her own admission, considers herself a very strong person.

Vysotskaya's fans are really amazed at the artist's resilience. A few years ago, Julia, along with her husband and daughter Maria, got into a terrible accident in France. As a result of the accident, the heiress of the actress was badly injured and fell into a coma. Despite the fact that a few months ago the girl began to react to external stimuli, the recovery of Maria's body is very, very slow. Rumors have repeatedly appeared in the media that it was the consequences of a terrible accident.

Andrey Konchalovsky and Julia Vysotskaya

Vysotskaya did not bypass the topic of sexual harassment. Recall that a year ago the world was stirred up by a wave of sex scandals, in the center of which were influential actors, producers and directors. Some of them lost their jobs after the publication of journalistic investigations, others managed to get away with it. Vysotskaya believes that cases when an actress says that she was harassed, but is silent about what she did to get a role, it's all about hypocrisy.

“Of course, sexual harassment is terrible. But the other side who is being harassed most often has a choice. Accept it and do what you want. For the sake of a role or material advantages, for example. One of the main differences between a person and an animal is that we can always imagine the consequences that these decisions will bring to us, and take responsibility for these decisions. Therefore, when an actress says that she was harassed, but does not say that she went through this to get a role, I think that this is hypocrisy and deceit. These are all the same components of this particular situation. If a man meets you on the street and takes you by the ass, this is harassment. Either hit back or shout. I had a small incident at the institute. There was an incorrect behavior in relation to me at the respectable elderly person. According to my reaction, he realized that it was not worth doing this further, ”Vysotskaya shared her memories. - Probably, the one who is more dissolute and takes the first step is to blame. It doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man. The responsibility lies with the one who started this provocation.”

Julia Vysotskaya

Note that Yulia Vysotskaya. According to available information, the film tells about the dispersal of a peaceful demonstration in Novocherkassk in 1962. It is known that the tape received the support of the Ministry of Culture, and its budget is estimated at 150 million rubles. A start date for filming and a release schedule have yet to be confirmed. Now Konchalovsky is busy working on a film about the life of Michelangelo Buonarroti: a film called "" was filmed a few months ago, but the post-production stage stretched out and. The release date of the film in domestic distribution is also unknown.

Yulia Vysotskaya in the previous film by Andrei Konchalovsky "Paradise"

Actress and TV presenter Yulia Vysotskaya rarely gives interviews. As an exception, the wife of director Andrei Konchalovsky became a guest of the program with Natalia Sindeeva on the Dozhd TV channel, where she spoke about self-development, contemporary art and cinema, and family life.

According to Yulia, Andrei Konchalovsky is a person with whom it is easy to live and work.

“Andrey Sergeevich, first of all, he is just a very good person, it is very easy to work with him in principle and to live with him too. Living is different, and as for work, everyone adores him on the site, and he adores everyone. Such an atmosphere of love, I say without any pathos. There is no lisping, it’s just so important for him what he does that I know to myself that I’m a different person next to him. I even see it on my friends: when he is not there, they talk differently. Everyone gets better, he really brings out the good in people. He is interested in revealing a person. Before the performance, he always tells us: “I hope that today you will have a meeting with your individuality.” I think that he himself is interested, because he is a real creator, ”said Yulia.

Vysotskaya also spoke about her passion for cooking. Julia said that despite the large projects, she considers herself an amateur in this business.

“I am an amateur cook, a home television cook. I am an absolute amateur, but with a plus sign, because I really love it very much. I love to eat and love food, I understand and understand it. I can understand how it should look like, I can appreciate someone's effort, I can say what is talentedly done, what is mediocre, and so on. This is also an ability, ”said the TV presenter.

Vysotskaya also admitted that she is not on social networks.

“I am not present in social networks at all, in any form, I have neither Facebook nor Instagram. I don’t even understand why all these fake accounts are created. Never had a twitter. And if there is something with which I do not agree, I think differently, and I hear it from the person I love, I do not stop loving this person. I believe that everyone has the right to be mistaken, from my point of view. Or maybe I'm wrong, ”summed up the celebrity.

How has your life changed after giving birth, has your attitude changed?

To say life has changed is an understatement. I was warned that after childbirth a woman changes, acquires the meaning of life. I said to myself: “I have everything in order with the meaning of life. Maybe someone will acquire it, who did not have it. But, nevertheless, after I first took the child in my arms, the state of euphoria did not leave me for a very long time. I felt that I could move mountains, change the world, give goodness and love to everyone. It seems to me that this feeling is still present in me.

Both times you gave birth abroad. Did you plan this ahead of time, or did it happen that way?

I gave birth to my first child in America, where I lived at that moment. And the second time it was my decision, and Petya was born in England.

You gave birth with your husband. Did you have to persuade him or did the initiative come from him?

There were no agreements. When we were in America, he took me to the hospital and stayed with me. I don't think it would have occurred to him to leave. And by the time of the second birth, the husband was in Moscow. I called him and said that the doctor would induce labor and would like to do it today. We are very lucky. An hour after we talked, there was a flight, and he flew to me.

What can you say about the experience of partner birth?

I can't imagine how it could be otherwise. They made a child together, why should I give birth to him alone? On the other hand, I can’t imagine how you can leave a loved one at a crucial moment. My family life is built on this - on love, camaraderie, friendship, the power of support. Of course, love can manifest itself in different ways, but when the one you love is bad, your duty is to be there. Childbirth is, of course, good, wonderful, wonderful, but it is also very painful.

Was it difficult the first time after giving birth?

I didn't have any difficulties. The first time I spent 48 hours in the hospital, and the second time I spent 12 hours in general. Thank God, in foreign clinics they are allowed to leave - I got up and left. Rather, go home so that there are no strangers around, only my husband, me and my children. And it was complete happiness.

And who helped you with the children?

Pete is lucky. The nanny we found right after he was born is still with us. (Now Petya is 2.5 years old, Marusya is 6.5.) And Marusya had many nannies, and, unfortunately, the same number of negative experiences. We can say that Masha was on me.

What are the main criteria you were guided by when choosing a nanny?

I think you have to trust your intuition. For Masha, I chose a nanny through an agency from a large number candidates, and it seemed to me that in all respects I made the right decision: calm, intelligent, smart, spoke everything correctly, she had two adult sons. But this nanny let us down. No, she did not offend the child, but when we all left for Italy together, she simply ran away, taking her passport, money and return ticket to get a job there. And I just immediately liked Nanny Petya as a person. We asked each other questions later when we began to live together. And so far I have no regrets.

At the selection stage, was it important for you that the candidate had a medical or pedagogical education, experience, recommendations?

If you take a person from outside, it is important that you have experience working with other people's children and recommendations. Of course, it is desirable to have a medical education in the first years of a baby's life, and then a pedagogical one. But all this, in fact, is secondary, more important - the warmth and love that the child receives from the nanny. There needs to be some kind of line with respect for ethical issues and a system of hierarchy. It is important that a person understands that he is raising not his own, but someone else's child. Parents are constantly working, so you need to make sure that there are no painful distortions in education. The child must understand that dad is the smartest, mom is the best, and the nanny is a friend and helper. I have great love for those people who help me with the children and in general around the house.

Do you have any developmental techniques that your nanny should implement?

We went to an ordinary kindergarten and grew up as normal people. This does not mean that we should not move forward and not use the information that comes in. But, having read Spock's book in due time, I immediately realized that I would never raise my children according to his methodology. What suits one may not only be useless, but even harmful for another. So I rely on my intuition. I believe that it is necessary to tell a lot of interesting fairy tales, not only to read, but also to tell, invent them together with the children, take a lot of walks and, most importantly, just love your pupils. I don't know best practice than love. When I feel that everything is fine, I can leave and work in peace. But if it suddenly seems to me that someone can offend my children, then there is no time for work. I will sit with them myself, so that nothing bad happens to them.

You constantly live outside the city. Do your children experience a lack of communication with peers?

I think my children are fine. They have a slight age difference, and they have fun together. Both of them are quite open-minded. Now we began to take Petya to developmental classes.

What is Masha doing?

Masha is now actively involved in tennis and swimming. She has been going to school at the French embassy for three years. There is no kindergarten, training is conducted according to special programs, from the very beginning. Study time takes an average of 5-6 hours. She already speaks good French. My children have French passports, so I believe that they must speak both Russian and French well.

How do you spend your leisure time with children? Do you take them out somewhere, what kind of entertainment do they have?

Marusya goes with her dad to the museum, to the circus, they have their own programs. Meet with older sisters. Petya is not going anywhere yet. But if we go on vacation, to the beach, to ride bicycles or to go shopping, then all together is always fun. We don't come up with anything special.

How did you get back in shape after having kids?

This is a very delicate question. I was lucky that there was no work after I gave birth to Marusya. My body had the opportunity and time to calmly recover, and the body to lose weight without any complex diets and exhausting physical exercises. After the birth of Petya, it was much more difficult. I had to act, I began to torture myself and drive, for which I am still paying. Therefore, I urge everyone - take care of yourself, be more attentive to your health. In principle, the rules are simple: do not feed yourself during pregnancy. And be sure to breastfeed! When you feed a child, you recover much faster, the stomach, unnecessary fat disappears. As soon as a minimum of energy appears, it is worth going for walks, and then for jogging. I remember that I really wanted to go in for sports, I realized that I was ready for this.

But are there any dietary restrictions necessary?

I did not eat heavy meals, did not allow myself to lean too heavily on rolls and pies. After giving birth, I gave up sweets. Well, of course, not for good. Once a week, you can eat a piece of cake, if you really want to.

Do you have any tricks to fool the feeling of hunger?

No system and recipes. It is better to listen to yourself, choose what you want. If at the moment when you want a cake, step back and think a little, then it turns out that you really want a cucumber and a crispy apple.

For many mothers, the opportunity to rest and eat in peace appears only in the evening, when the baby is sleeping. Dream – sit down, for example, with a piece of cake ...

Yes, this is a kind of compensation for the whole day of wrestling. But maybe then choose some dried fruits, for example, apricots. They are very useful and, if you want something sweet, it helps a lot.

A young mother has very little time to take care of herself. Can you recommend any minimum face and body care procedures?

To look good, you need to feel good about yourself. Show your will and arrange a fasting day once a week. Sit on juices, kefir, apples, whatever you like. This is necessary not only in order to be slim. Thus, the body gets a well-deserved rest. Believe me, and the skin will become better, and the weight will begin to go away, and more energy will appear. If you limit yourself to food one day a week, then you will have a feeling of strength. Because all the joy that we send to the stomach needs to be split and put aside and spent somewhere, and for this our poor body spends all its strength. And instead of sitting down with a cake to the TV, take a bath, add salt, St. John's wort, thyme, turn off the light, light a candle, and lie in the bath for 30-40 minutes. This will benefit the skin and have a good effect on the psychological state. After childbirth, there may be problems with the skin of the face, for example, pimples appear. In this case, you need to contact a dermatologist you trust.

But if there are no major problems, what would be a minimal self-care program?

Try to get enough sleep, find assistants, load dad, sister, if there is no nanny. Make masks: oatmeal, cucumber. But I don't really believe in traditional medicine at home. But a warm or cold bath is better. If you are very tired, you need to take a cold bath and go to sleep. It's good for relaxing. Time 3 - 5 minutes. The temperature is about 32 degrees C. I sometimes let myself in just cold water when I can't sleep. But this is already quite an extreme state. Here is a wonderful recipe: in the morning - a glass hot water with the squeezed juice of half a lemon or lime. Then how much you want tea, coffee. But first, this drink, after which nothing to eat or drink for 10 minutes. It helps to remove toxins and tones well.

How do you create menus for your kids?

We do not eat anything that contains preservatives, chemical additives, including dyes, thickeners, flavor enhancers, and so on.

Even the finished baby food» in jars did not use?

Never. We beat everything in a blender, we cook at once. If possible, we make expeditions to the nearest suburbs to buy pumpkins grown by grandmothers, zucchini without fertilizers. Juices are freshly squeezed. We bake at home. Now there is a lot of good bread, so sometimes I buy in the store, for example, “7 cereals”, otherwise I bake everything at home, even a cake.

What foods do kids love?

It all depends on what the family eats. My children love buckwheat porridge, eggs, steamed chicken cutlets. Very easy to prepare. White chicken breast, without skin, must be passed through a meat grinder. A little bit of cream, you can add a white bun, salt, a little pepper is a must to make it "boring". It doesn't add spice, just variety. And I make meatballs for a couple. I also bake potatoes in the oven: cut in half, a little bit of olive oil, without salt. I bake apples. For breakfast, everyone is used to eating porridge, usually oatmeal, rice (round rice), buckwheat with milk, butter, chopped eggs, raisins, buckwheat flakes. Both Masha and Petya are allergic to milk, and they don’t like goat milk because of the smell, so I use soy milk for my daughter, and Humana for my son.

Do you restrict children in sweets?

I limit. They don't even know what sugar is, they even drink tea without it. We eat chocolate very, very rarely and only dark.

What if the kids don't want to eat? Do not force?

Didn't face such a problem. Petya always eats well, and Masha has recently had some whims. I think this is due to the fact that she is very tired in Lately. And at school, Marusya sees how other children eat all sorts of bars. She says: “I tell them that it’s chemistry, but they still eat.” I had to explain that you shouldn’t say that, because mothers give these sweets to children, and mother’s opinion is more important for them than anyone else’s.

What about the school cafeteria?

Until they are fed at school. They carry breakfast with them in small boxes. I still don't know what I'll do when Masha has to eat in the canteen. The child should not stay with his lunch when everyone goes to eat centrally. I do not want her to have problems with her peers because of this. It will be necessary to somehow teach her what to eat and what not to.

How do you choose toys for children? Are you guided by your ideas or the desire of the child?

We rarely go to the toy store together. It seems to me that for a child this should be a holiday. We agree to buy only 1-2 toys, and even such a choice is difficult for a child to make. I also had the "It's not for sale" tactic. Mary believed me. Petya and I went to the toy store only once. The question was clearly posed: - Do you need a car? - Yes. - Then why do we need this elephant? Take the car and let's go. So I'm talking to him. It’s more difficult with Masha, because I quite often buy her toys that I myself didn’t play enough of in childhood. But I'm being smart. I put this toy in my room, it lives with me for some time. Masha gets used to the idea that this is her mother's toy, and simply asks to play. So I lead her to the idea that she can't have everything she wants. It seems to me that there may be few toys, but they must be loved. If we play, we play with several. Children love them, there is a story behind each, so they do not need all new toys.

What are you guided by when you buy toys yourself?

I am guided by what the child needs, what I would like him to do.

What about educational games?

Naturally, games, constructors, books with question and answer buttons. There are a lot of these now, the main thing is to choose the right one.

How do you buy clothes for children?

With clothes, things are more complicated. I buy everything on sales abroad. Here, in Moscow, children's things are simply unthinkable. But still, sometimes I go to the store just to look, and, waking up, I notice large packages in my hands. What to do? There must be some weakness.

Do you take children with you to try on clothes?

Infrequently. But if you need to buy shoes, then we definitely go together.

Do children have separate nurseries?

Separate. Marusya grow up. She gets up early in the morning, at six o'clock, and Petya sleeps until nine.

Do children have their own rooms from birth, or did they spend some time in the parent's bedroom?

I took both Petya and Marusya to sleep with me. In my bedroom, the cradle stood for quite a long time. Marusya spent the night with me until 6 months, and Petya almost immediately began to sleep in his room with the nanny. When Petya was 2 weeks old, he became very ill, and we spent two weeks in the Morozov hospital. After discharge, I was completely broken, so I had to move the boy to a separate room. Although I really did not want to, but there was no choice, I had to start working.

How did you arrange the nursery? Have you used the services of a designer?

No, we did everything in the house ourselves, but all hands will not reach the nursery. The bed, however, was made to order, in Los Angeles, even for Marusya. And now Petya is sleeping on it. Everything else is just so random. Children are waiting for their mother to have a window so that she can go and choose furniture.

What is your system of rewards and punishments in your family?

Encouragement - promises to go to the theater, to the museum, for a joint walk. For example, Petya waited a long time for a gun. To do this, he had, as he says, to become a good boy, calm, not swearing, quarreling with Masha and the nanny. Or, for example, I say to Masha: “Do you want chocolate?”. And the chocolate becomes an incentive to get something from Marusya. As for punishments, it turns out in different ways. Petya has not yet had to be punished; a strict voice is enough for him. And Marusa happened to sit in the room, think about her behavior. She reflects on the situation, its causes and concludes what needs to be done so that this does not happen again. This does not mean that the act will not be repeated, but Marusya endures for a certain period of time.

Do you determine the time that she will spend in the room, or does it depend on the act?

Once Masha even had dinner in the bedroom, and then she brushed her teeth and went to bed. She didn't have any communication. Only in the morning we spoke to her. This is the most terrible punishment - to leave a person alone with an unresolved psychological negative situation. But the test was in keeping with the serious transgression she had committed.

Are you a strict mom?

Yes, I am a strict mother. I do not allow assault, I consider it unacceptable to use force against someone who is physically weaker than you. But spanking during a tantrum is necessary. In principle, children can be negotiated. They love severity, because it is a manifestation of attention. If mom allows everything, then it seems to be fenced off from the problem. And I take care of children and I don’t want them to develop bad habits. Children need boundaries, although they constantly try to push them back, checking what is possible and what is not.

What are your actions if children, for example Marusya, ignore the request: “Put away toys”?

I can't always resolve this situation right away. And I myself get upset if I have to raise my voice. For me, this is an emotional shock in the same degree as for her. We are experiencing together. It happens that I will shout, or I will leave, or I will forbid you to come to me.

What do you think is the role of a father in raising children?

A father is an authority, which, of course, needs to be backed up by actions. It is important to create the image of a father-hero so that he is the best, extraordinary. Then there is a rod from which you can push off. Women - when choosing a husband, men - when they themselves become fathers. Dad should be an ideal, an idol - smart, kind, fair. My kids and their dad have such love! I even got jealous for a while. Petya started talking early, around 10 months old, and immediately: “Daddy, where is daddy?”. And - forward along the stairs, hugging, kissing. He has more male contact. And Marusya is more drawn to me. But if she has serious questions, she immediately runs to her father. This does not mean that I cannot answer. She just wondered what he would say. Then he says: “But dad said so, and what do you think?”. For her, his authority in solving vital, global problems is indisputable. And Petya is still more attached to him on a physical level. He needs to snuggle up, lie down, hug and climb on his stomach, and laugh, and tickle.

But dad is usually at work all day. Some women try to involve their husband in caring for the child, offering to bathe the baby in the evenings, walk on weekends. Have you ever had to do this?

Men are unfortunate creatures, they are deprived of nature in this respect. Many of them are not allowed to feel the paternal instinct at all in their entire lives. They do not immediately understand what value a child is, and how necessary every minute is next to him, how much he depends on you, it is very important how much you invest in him. I'm lucky. At the time of our meeting, my husband was already ripe for fatherhood and he already realized all this and is very responsible in raising children. We can say that we grow our love.

Julia, thank you for the interesting interview. What are your wishes for new mothers?

Love yourself. New life, of course, captivating. But in order not to plunge into postpartum depression, you need to remember all the time about yourself. And love your husband. You can not leave it when the baby appears. We must remember that there are three or four of you, and five is better.

Julia's husband - A..S. Konchalovsky is a theater and film director.

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PSYCHOLOGIES #13

PHOTO Danil Golovkin

psychology:

Was it difficult for you to work on this film?

No, I can't say that. For me, hard work is work that doesn't work out. When you cannot find the right tone, when there is no common language with partners, when the words in the script or play are foreign to you. This is hard. And here everything went on a very correct path, the whole film. What is perceived by the viewer as a serious topic is not necessarily hard work for the actor.

The higher the creative mood - forgive me such pompousness - the better people treat each other, the better they understand what common cause they are doing, the easier it is. It doesn't matter if the end result is a comedy, a tragedy or a melodrama. And with "Ray" everything was just perfect, everything worked out very well.

With husband Andrei Konchalovsky and son Pyotr at the closing of the film festival in Venice

No, it's not about the difficulties in work, but about the emotional side. After all, you probably prepared, got used to the image.

Yu. V.:

The horror of the tragedies of the twentieth century is that a normal life can become abnormal in the blink of an eye - and none of us knows how we will behave

In the finale, your heroine performs an incredible, unexpected act. And yet it looks logical in its own way...

Yu. V.:

Each person throws his desires into space when he is painfully lacking something. I don't throw anything away

Shot from the film "Paradise"

Have you ever wondered what you would do yourself? On the verge of life and death, when salvation is offered by a person who ...

Yu. V.:

Your previous film role was in The Nutcracker. It's been 6 years, that's a long time.

Yu. V.:

I would hardly be in demand as a host of a culinary program if I was a bad actress

It turns out that as an actress you rarely remind yourself. And for a mass audience, more and more become a media person, TV presenter, culinary specialist. Doesn't it bother you?

Yu. V.:

So you play a great cook?

Yu. V.:

With husband Andrei Konchalovsky and son Peter at the screening of the film "Paradise" in Venice

Completely indifferent?

Yu. V.:

I am insecure in the sense of work and, I am not afraid of this word, a cowardly person

Are you unsure of yourself?

Yu. V.:

Of course, this sobriety does not add delight. But what can be done here? I think the last "crisis of the genre", if we talk about dreams and impulses, was in my life at the age of 26-27. After that, I ended up with great expectations. I think it's important to stop waiting in time. Otherwise, you don’t live, but do what you expect when you start living that amazing life that you yourself invented. Living with expectations is not a very happy life.

Yu. V.:

Of course, I do not call to live in the interests of others. But if someone is happy that he lives in the interests of his children and grandchildren, and realizes himself in this, then there is nothing wrong with that. If this person has the warmest and most comfortable home, if his grandchildren are dressed in the most beautiful knitted sweaters and they have the best gifts under the tree, if the whole family is in a hurry to go home, where vanilla smells from the kitchen, and the cleanest and freshest linen on the beds in the bedrooms, then this is also a talent and also self-realization. But this is not a story about me.

I always wanted to be an artist of one director. What I wanted, I got

I love my house, very much. But I like the active life that takes place outside the walls of the house. I love the theatre, I love my culinary studios, my restaurants. And she spoke about expectations in a different sense. First, do not wait for it to come by itself, but do something. And secondly ... I am also a superstitious person and I am afraid of these high expectations.

Are you happy?

Yu. V.:

You said, "Be careful what you wish for." Can you confirm from your own experience?

Yu. V.:

Paradise found

Julia Vysotskaya was born in Novocherkassk. As an actress, she made her debut in Minsk. Known as the host of culinary TV shows, the author of cookbooks, a restaurateur, and also as the wife of director Andrei Konchalovsky. The list of her film roles was replenished with another role - the Russian emigrant Olga Kamenskaya, who ended up in a concentration camp during World War II. This new film by Andrei Konchalovsky "Paradise" in 2016 received the "Silver Lion" for directing at the Venice Film Festival, entered the shortlist of contenders for the Oscar in the category "Best Foreign Language Film", received a lot of flattering reviews from reputable critics .

"Paradise" - at the box office from January 19.
Other cast: Christian Klauss, Philippe Duquesne, Viktor Sukhorukov.