Survivors of a plane crash. Real stories. Emergency door opening. Turbulence zone and air pockets

Flying for the first time, worried? Do you know why they ask you to fasten your seat belts and forbid taking pictures on the plane?

In this article, I will tell you in detail about the basic rules of conduct on board an aircraft, explain what certain requirements of flight attendants are connected with and why it is so important to comply with them, and also answer the question “What can / cannot be done on an airplane?” .

On any plane civil aviation the first and most important person is aircraft captain/commander(abbreviated - FAC). The PIC is personally responsible for everything that happens on board: for flight safety, for making decisions about landing, takeoff, fuel draining in flight, baggage drop, forced landing etc.

According to the legislation of the Russian Federation, and also of other countries, the PIC has the right to give orders to any person on board the aircraft, passenger or crew member, as well as to demand their execution. For disobeying orders, you are in for big trouble with the police on the ground. Second pilot assists the commander in piloting the aircraft.

In the cabin of the aircraft, a team of stewards, flight attendants, led by senior flight attendant. The chief flight attendant is the deputy PIC in the cabin of the aircraft (aircraft).

Some passengers have an erroneous opinion about the role of flight attendants, who consider them to be something between waitresses and, excuse me, girls of easy virtue. Dear friends, flight attendants are really responsible for the service, your comfort during the flight and perform passenger service work.

But, Firstly, these are the people who monitor the safety of the flight, they are always ready to help in case of an emergency on board, and in the event of an emergency, save your life. They have a difficult job with big amount stress, remember this, and please treat them with respect and a smile.

Takeoff and landing of the aircraft. What should the passenger do?

According to the statistics of all aviation accidents, the vast majority accidents for aircraft takeoff and landing. All this is connected with proximity to the earth and lack of time to make some important decisions.

Moreover, if during takeoff the plane picks up speed, accelerates and moves away from the surface, and the farther and higher, the safer, then during landing, the plane approaches the ground, the speed drops and this is a very crucial moment.

What should the passenger do at this time?

It's simple - follow the standard flight attendant command:

Ladies and gentlemen, we are preparing for takeoff and we ask you to turn off all electronic devices, remove folding table, bring the back of the chair to a vertical position, open the blind on the porthole and fasten the seat belts tightly!

Now I will tell you in detail why all this is needed and why it is VERY IMPORTANT to fulfill this request.

• shutdown mobile phones in airplane

Imagine a situation when an airplane takes off, say 1 km from the ground, when 300 phones simultaneously start looking for a network where it simply does not exist. It can really turn out some kind of porridge from the magnetic field. And if so far there have been no precedents, this does not mean that there is no likelihood of their occurrence. Therefore, be responsible, turn off your phones or put them in Airplane mode. Don't take risks.

• seat backs in upright position

In the event of an emergency, the lowered back of your seat may block the passage of passengers sitting behind you.

• fasten the belt, assemble the table

In the event of an emergency braking, hard landing or aborted takeoff, you may lose your seat and fly forward through the cabin or hit your head on a disassembled table. Also, it is desirable that during takeoff and landing you do not have heavy objects in your hands. Do not hold it and this thing will fly like a brick, forward over the heads of passengers. Related to this is the ban on photography and video filming during these phases of the flight.

• open window blinds

First of all, this is due to the difference in lighting outside the aircraft and inside the cabin. If twilight reigns in the cabin, and the sun shines brightly outside, then during an emergency evacuation, blinding for a few precious seconds is guaranteed. The same is true if there is a bright light in the cabin and it is night outside. Therefore, on night flights, the lights are dimmed during landing so that the eyes adapt.

Secondly, in the event of an emergency, such as an engine fire, the passenger can see this and inform the flight attendant.

• It is not recommended to listen to loud music with headphones

If you are using the aircraft entertainment system, it will turn off during takeoff and landing, this is due to the fact that the passenger may be distracted and not hear important message and flight attendant teams.

Climb and descent. Turbulence and air pockets

During climb and descent, an aircraft passes through the first layer of our atmosphere, the troposphere. This is such an environment where air turbulent flows are highly developed, clouds of various types arise, cyclones and anticyclones develop. It is during this phase of the flight that aircraft"turbulence" is felt most strongly. What does this mean and what to do?

This means that getting into the eddy turbulent currents, the aircraft can shake and "talk" up and down, left and right. In pilots' slang, "turbulence" is just "chatter".

Sometimes such shaking can be very strong and prolonged, especially when the flight takes place in difficult weather conditions: thunderstorms, fog, heavy clouds, wind, etc. In this case, the PIC or the Chief Flight Attendant announces that the aircraft has entered a zone of severe turbulence and asks everyone to take their seats and fasten their seat belts.

You should not panic in this situation, even when it shakes very strongly, and looking out the window, it seems that the wings will just fall off from the vibration. This is a common practice that, to one degree or another, all face. aircraft. You just have to take your seat, buckle up and wait out the chatter. The larger the aircraft, the less turbulence and vice versa.

As for the feeling that the wings are about to fall off (I often come across this question) - do not worry, in the entire history of aviation, there have never been such cases on production aircraft. Wings are tested at much higher loads, and the swaying of the wing indicates its correct and normal operation, under conditions of variable loads and diverse pressures.

Level flight

When the aircraft has gained altitude, taken its level and flies in a horizontal plane, this is the most calm and pleasant time of flight. Modern passenger liners they fly in the lower layer of the stratosphere, at an altitude of 10-12 km, high above the clouds, where almost no weather conditions are felt, there are no birds, they don’t block their ears and don’t bother at all. You can get up from your seat, stretch your stiff limbs and do whatever you want on the plane: sleep, eat, work, watch movies, listen to music, play on your laptop, read. In general, relax and enjoy the flight.

Although sometimes turbulence is felt in level flight, especially when flying over the Atlantic.

If you have a long flight ahead, take a book or tablet with you, you can use the in-flight entertainment system, the latest long-haul liners are equipped with a personal screen for each passenger with a wide selection of movies, music files and so on.

Landing. Braking. Taxiing

Now there are a lot of articles and interviews with pilots on the Internet, with stories about how planes fly with hundreds of interesting and sensible posts on the topic of aviation. However, this area is still covered with a bunch of myths, conjectures, etc. According to my funny statistics, many passengers do not trust the pilots, despite the fact that they are directly involved in the control of the aircraft.

I would like to talk about what is happening in the aircraft while the cockpit is trying to solve a technical problem. Still, flight attendants are in the cabin with passengers and take part in preparations for landing. We are something between a pilot and a passenger - a link: we know something, but we cannot influence the situation.

In my life, there was exactly one return to the airport of departure due to a technical problem, but the reason was quite serious. There were many other things, but so far there is only one return. The morning began as usual: the crew arrived at the airport, passed the medical control and proceeded to check the aircraft. After completing all the necessary procedures, the commander gave readiness to the aircraft and after a while passengers were brought to us. The plane is serviceable, the food is loaded, the passengers are fastened. Flight attendants take their places, the commander reports readiness for takeoff. Takeoff, takeoff, climb. After a while, the “fasten your seat belts” sign went out, and we started serving the carts.

They say that when you know every sound in an airplane, then even without instruments you can understand that something is wrong. I can’t speak about it with certainty, but I had a feeling of “something wrong” only because I have experience in piloting the aircraft on my own and because I knew the exit routes from this particular airport.

I hesitated a little, not knowing whether to put the carts back. The crew was silent, the display did not light up, but it was obvious to me that offering tea to the crew or going to feed the passengers was a bad idea. Just in case, I removed the insert with prepared drinks and began to wait for the command. They opened the cabin door for me. Failure was on the dashboard, the 2nd pilot read the QRH, the commander turned the course to reverse side. In the cockpit there was a lively radio exchange and negotiations within the crew.

The commander threw a quick glance at me:

Are we returning?

Tell passengers?

No, I'll tell you myself, get ready for landing, now let's turn on the belts, everything is normal.

They began to remove the carts and everything that was already prepared for service. The fasten seat belt sign lit up: “Dear ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately, due to technical reasons, we cannot continue our flight to our destination. To ensure your safety, I have decided to return to the airport of departure. Please take your seats and fasten your seat belts, and don’t worry, the boarding will take place as usual.”

The fun begins not only for the milking of the pilots, but also for the flight attendants. It is necessary to quickly fasten the passengers, answer their questions as briefly as possible and reassure the worried ones. The task is not easy, because, "What happened?" almost everyone asks, but there is nothing to answer, and moreover, there is no time. Some of the passengers began to panic, although for the most part we were lucky with them. My colleague from another airline had a return with running out of fuel over the airport, and the passengers were children with their parents who flew to Anapa and the plane was full.

She said that the panic on board was terrible, the children were sick and generally it was difficult to defuse the situation.

We safely returned to the airport of departure, then the airline resolved the issue of replacing the aircraft and repairing the returned one, etc., etc.

Was it scary? No, but it was annoying. To be honest, I realized that something was not right just because I have little experience in piloting aircraft. The passengers did not understand anything until the commander reported the breakdown.

What is happening in the cockpit at this moment? Work and nothing more.

What is the moral of this fable?

1. If there is similar situation, as I described above, do not ask the conductors what happened, but simply follow their requests. With a high degree of probability, you still will not be able to influence the situation and even assess how serious this failure is. Moreover, most likely the crew did not have time to explain what happened.

2. No, this is not a bad plane and not an airline: there are things that cannot be checked on the ground. For example, it is difficult to check the landing gear retraction on the ground, but in the air you can understand that the wheels do not go away. Yes, planes sometimes break down. Like any equipment, they require repair and maintenance. And they break not only here in Russia. Checked personally. We do have service issues though.

3. Not all failures end in disaster. Not all, but rather a few.

4. Pilots also want to live, they have families, children and relatives, so it is unlikely that someone will fly on a faulty plane “at random”.

All safe flights, friends!

Flying has long been a habit. Many people perceive it as an opportunity to sleep or watch a movie without thinking about the thousands of meters of emptiness under their feet. However, after learning about the situations that can periodically arise on board the aircraft, even the most resistant to aerophobia will panic. It is for this reason that the aircraft personnel do not tell us anything to the last.

1. The pilot lost consciousness

This situation is quite rare, but anything can happen. One pilot with ten years of experience once admitted that flying over Atlantic Ocean they fell into a zone of strong turbulence. By an unfortunate coincidence, at the moment when his partner was trying to sit in a chair, the plane shook violently, and he hit him with his elbow. The pilot lost consciousness for a while, but due to the fact that there are two people in the cockpit, the plane continued its flight calmly. Naturally, only the service personnel of the liner knew about what had happened at that moment, and the passengers were in happy ignorance.

2. Danger of collision with another liner

We, as passengers of an aircraft, are firmly convinced that collisions of aircraft in the air are impossible, thanks to the flight control center. But in fact, this danger occurs much more often than we think. One of the pilots, who preferred to remain anonymous, said that many times in his experience the planes approached each other very close. And twice he had to make a dangerous abrupt maneuver to avoid a collision. At this time, passengers thought they were in a zone of severe turbulence. However, according to the pilot, there are always several people in the cabin who suspect something is wrong and begin to ask the flight attendants what is happening.

3. Cabin in smoke

At this terrible moment, the pilots of the aircraft are in special oxygen masks, so as not to lose consciousness from poisoning and almost always require permission to emergency landing. Meanwhile, in the cabin, no one has any idea about the dangerous situation on board. One of the pilots of a British airline said that during this incident they also began to run out of fuel, and the instrument panel was not visible due to the smoke. Fortunately, everything worked out, but along the route, just in case, they asked emergency landing which was not needed.

4. Breakdowns

An airplane is a huge complex mechanism. And it is perfectly normal when something breaks in the mechanism. It is clear that failures are different. But in any case, passengers are not informed about this in order to avoid panic on board. One of the anonymous pilots said that once during the flight, just before landing, part of the aileron on the wing came off. It was an absolutely harmless breakdown, but the passengers were alarmed. After all, out of ignorance, you can think anything, and a dangling piece of iron on the wing can scare you very much.

5. Lightning

Everyone knows that modern aircraft resistant to lightning strikes, and therefore you can not be afraid. In addition, it seems that the probability of lightning striking an aircraft is extremely low, but this is not the case. Every aircraft faces this situation at least once a year. Despite the safety during the flight, passengers are often very frightened, and there are noticeable traces of a lightning strike on the plane. In addition, there are often situations when, when flying through a cloud, the plane itself provokes the appearance of lightning, although without it they might not have happened. Much more dangerous is not lightning itself, but a bright flash from it, which can blind pilots for a long time, which turns into a serious obstacle to a safe flight. After all, pilots who have temporarily lost their sight may not be able to replace the vortex or vertical air flow, which is a real danger.

6. Side wind when landing

A strong side wind can become a real obstacle when landing an airplane. And, although pilots are trained to land the liner under such conditions, this does not guarantee a good outcome. At this moment, it is scary not only for passengers, who feel all the swaying and turning of the aircraft during resistance, but also for pilots, for whom it is important to keep the aircraft stable. Pilots assure that if the danger is too great, they will not land the plane in such conditions.

7. Birds

The photo looks very beautiful when the plane is shrouded in a flock of birds. But in fact, this situation is extremely dangerous. The plane flies at such great speed that even a small stone will smash the windshield and half the skull of the pilot, not to mention the bird. Most often, there is a risk of collision when the aircraft is landing and taking off at an altitude of up to 100 meters, especially if during this period the birds migrate and move in large flocks. However, catastrophes and accidents involving birds that threaten the lives of passengers are very rare.

To ensure safety during air travel in an emergency, even when boarding an aircraft in without fail crew members conduct a brief briefing of passengers, where they talk about the norms and principles of behavior in emergency situations.

Violation of these rules is fraught with tragic consequences for all passengers of the flight, including the violator. All travelers in the cabin of the aircraft are obliged in any situation, which is especially important in emergency cases. For violation of safety rules on the plane, a large fine and imprisonment are provided.

Emergencies on board

Airplane - safe view transport, which is recognized by official statistics. Emergencies on board are extremely rare. The number of injured passengers in an emergency during air travel is much less than in the same car accidents.

But even on the most modern and serviceable liner, emergency situations can occur, entailing the risk of complete destruction of the aircraft or mortal danger for all passengers on the flight.

According to statistics aviation services, 80% of air crashes occur due to the human factor and only 15% are technical malfunctions of the aircraft.

All emergencies in the aircraft are divided into several types:

• Accident - an accident on an aircraft that resulted in the death of people.
• Accident - emergency situation on board, causing serious damage to the aircraft, but without loss of life.
• Breakdowns - an unforeseen situation associated with technical malfunctions of an aircraft that does not affect flight safety.
• Terrorist takeover.

What to do in an emergency

There are ground rules safe behavior in an aircraft in emergency situations, the observance of which is subject to mandatory execution by all participants in the air travel.

Inattentive attitude to the instructions of the crew members and lack of information about the norms of behavior on board in emergency situations increase the risk of danger to the life and health of all citizens on the aircraft.

If everyone acts wisely and confidently, responsibly following the emergency procedures on board, there are chances for a successful outcome of an air travel.

In the event of an aircraft fire

A fire in an aircraft can occur due to a technical malfunction of the liner, which led to a short circuit in the electrical equipment, as well as if the passengers themselves do not follow the rules of conduct, ignoring the ban on smoking in the cabin.

Aircraft fire safety rules:

• After boarding your flight, carefully inspect the cabin and remember where the emergency exits are. Calculate the number of rows to this place so that in a smoky space you have the opportunity to quickly orient yourself and get to emergency exit.
• It is possible to evacuate from a burning plane in the first 2-3 minutes, so it is very important not to get confused in such a situation, to act quickly and consciously.
• If a fire has already occurred runway, you can not linger at the air ladder, you need to jump off as soon as possible and retire to a safe distance.
• In order not to get severe burns, it is recommended to remove flammable synthetic clothing, and cover exposed skin areas, if possible, with a cloth made of natural materials.
• In case of heavy smoke in the cabin, advance to the emergency exit, bending down to the floor. It is better to cover the face, in particular the respiratory organs, with a handkerchief or any other cloth soaked in water.
• The aircraft has hatches that cannot be opened in case of fire. This can intensify the flames and lead to more tragic consequences.

There are fire extinguishers on board the aircraft, with the help of which the crew will attempt to self fight with fire.

In an aircraft accident

During the flight, it can happen emergency situation, the outcome of which often depends on the observance of safety regulations by all passengers of the flight.

Rules of conduct in case of an accident on an airplane:

• Fasten seat belts correctly. They should cover the hips, not the abdomen.
• Listen carefully to the instructions of the flight attendants and clearly follow the instructions received.
• Do not get up from the passenger seats and do not unfasten the belts until the liner has come to a complete emergency stop.
• After receiving an evacuation order from an airship, act quickly, strictly following the instructions of the personnel.
• After exiting the aircraft, move to a safe distance.

Where is the best place to sit on an airplane:

When the plane crashes

When an airliner crashes, not everyone has a chance of survival, but if you act strictly according to the instructions, you can find hope for salvation. Statistically, as a result aviation accidents managed to survive some passengers who carefully studied the rules of conduct in emergency on board and operating under these rules at the time of the crash.

Rules of conduct in case of an airplane crash:

• If the liner crashed on land, surviving passengers should not move far from the wreckage, where rescue services will go first to search for people.
• If possible, it is necessary to kindle a fire, which will become a guide for rescuers, and at the same time allow injured travelers to warm up.
• It may take several days to find people. Surviving passengers who find themselves in extreme conditions environment, you need to find the source with drinking water to quench their thirst, and find some food so as not to die of hunger. According to experts, a person can live up to 4 weeks on one bar of chocolate. Any food found, whether it be fresh berries from the bushes or caught fish in a pond, needs to be properly distributed for small snacks, thanks to which the passenger will be able to survive until the meeting with the rescue staff.
• If the plane crashed into the water, the surviving passengers must move in the water to prevent hypothermia. Try to find a suitable floating craft nearby on the water surface, on which you can hold out until the rescue team arrives.
• Airplanes have life jackets that keep people afloat well. The main thing is not to inflate or put them on during the fall of the liner. In one plane crash, people managed to survive after falling into the water, but due to inflated vests, they could not get out from under the sinking wreckage of the liner, which led to death.
• If the passenger managed to get to land on his own, you need to take off your clothes, squeeze it well and put it back on. As a rule, in such situations, finding dry clothes is unrealistic.

When a plane is hijacked by terrorists

The hijacking of an aircraft by terrorists poses a serious danger to passengers and crew members. It is very important to behave correctly in such a situation, without compromising terrorists for actions that are deadly for people's lives.

Rules of conduct in case of aircraft hijacking:

• Fulfill all the requirements of the invaders.
• Try to calm down and not panic. This state of affairs will only exacerbate the already dangerous situation which can cost human lives.
• Carefully inspect the cabin of the aircraft without making sudden movements. Think about where it will be convenient for you to hide in case a firefight starts on board.
• Try not to stand out from the crowd. Do not draw the attention of terrorists to your person.
• If the invader demands to remove jewelry or give money, expensive gadgets, follow this requirement unquestioningly. Do not try to save your property at the cost of your own life.
• Do not attempt self-rescue, no amateur performance is the main rule of conduct on board an aircraft hijacked by terrorists.

Passengers and crew members are rescued by experienced special forces soldiers. As a rule, hijackings of airliners are extremely rare and are carried out in order to obtain certain benefits. The invaders will definitely express their demand and will wait for response from the authorized services on the ground.

Special squad soldiers will also develop a plan to rescue passengers on a hijacked plane. If you hear a clear command "Everyone on the floor", act immediately! After such words, a shootout may begin.

If the command “Urgently leave the aircraft” is received, promptly comply with this requirement, observing safety precautions when evacuating to the exit.

In any emergency on board an aircraft, remain calm and act strictly according to safety rules. Compliance with these requirements will significantly increase the chances of rescue. Always believe in the best and don't think bad when planning an airline flight.

They flew from Baku. Everyone got live crayfish. The flight was at night, after the ration, we noticed that the crayfish had gnawed through the film and spread. Night, sleeping passengers and conductors in the dark on all fours catch crayfish.

2. During a short flight, the flight attendant got full salon restless business, which already drank not only hot drinks, but intoxicants as well. It's time to board, the conductor blushingly runs between the passengers, collecting trays and garbage from them, and everyone with a radiant smile and a beautifully delivered speech of a true English lady asks: "Anything else for you?" Everyone refuses and she hides behind a curtain with a dirty tray with a smile. And then she asks this question to the last passenger left with a tray, and he, after thinking, gives out: “Yes .... Let's have another black tea and cognac, please.” The conductor, smiling, says “Of course,” goes behind the curtain. Behind the curtain, a loud “BL@D!!!” is heard in bass, which could be heard already in the economy, a second later the curtain opens and the conductor with a radiant smile puts tea and cognac on the passenger’s table.

3. A full plane, the conductors were in a hurry, and then the girl drove up with drinks to the last row, the last row turned out to be humorous and, seeing the cart, one gave out: - I have borscht with donuts and a chicken Kiev! The conductor looked at the rest of the neighing neighbors, took the cart off the brakes and, with the phrase “I went to cook,” drove off in the opposite direction.

4. The conductor reads the information “Dear ladies and gentlemen, our plane has landed... *pause*... (without releasing the button asks colleagues): Bl$, where are we?... Our plane has landed in Yekaterinburg...”

5. The passenger passes the conductor in the front desk and begins to break into the cabin. The door is naturally locked, and he keeps pulling the handle. The conductor could not stand it: - Excuse me, but what are you doing? - I want to go to the toilet! - *sigh* Man, have you ever seen a plane fly forward with a toilet?

6. The commander reads a welcoming speech "... We are flying on the route Moscow-Stuttgart ..." The passengers have round eyes, because they were sure that they were flying to Frankfurt. After some time, the commander again turns to the cabin "Dear ladies and gentlemen, by popular demand, we will land in Frankfurt."

7. A lady on a flight, apparently having some claims and not wanting to discuss it with the flight attendants: - Call me the commander! - Sorry, but I'm afraid he's a little busy. - What can he be doing?

8. Our airline has decided to distribute assibori to all passengers before the aperitif... so while you distribute them, 10 people will ask: “What, will they give sushi?”

9. On the flight Bukhara-Moscow during the demonstration of the ACC, the floor of the cabin of the Uzbeks rushed to open the compartment with masks!!! To the question: "Why?" - answered: “Well, you showed what to wear!”

10. 2 pilots flew on a business trip in the form of passengers. The salon is half empty, the flight is early, everyone is sleeping. Sit in front. Before descending, the 2nd pilot went to the toilet past the passengers. The commander, thinking about the queue, also went back. One passenger, suspecting that something was wrong, asks the commander: - P-p-p-p-sorry, but was anyone left in the cockpit? - In the cockpit? - the commander asked in surprise and, realizing what was happening, added - Don't worry, we have experienced girls! They know how to drive a cart and an airplane ...

11. The passenger was not allowed to use the toilet during takeoff: - I'd rather crash than piss myself!

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1. There is almost legendary story. Flight in the plane IL-86. And this plane has an elevator! A complaint came from a passenger with the following content: I went to the conductors to ask for a glass of water. The cupboard opens, the guide from whom I asked for water comes out. He looked at me, said "how did you all zae.....whether and went back to the closet!!!"

2. The conductor distributes hot meals. The cart drives up to three fair-haired laughing girls. One ran out of chicken. He turns to a colleague: - Sasha, there are 3 chickens! - and points to the girls. The conductor with the chicken doubled over and climbed into the cart to neigh.

3. During the dousing, the passenger panicked: - Why are we being watered? Are we already on fire?

4. During the distribution of hot, passenger: - Do you have a decent fish? - Yes! You open the casket and she says hello!

5. What are those strange sounds? - And how do you think non-strange should sound? - Eeeee....

6. The passenger takes a candy from the tray with the phrase: - Can I sleep candy with you? Conductor imperturbably: - Piz$i!

7. At the echelon, it began to shake, the scoreboard was turned on. The conductors rustle around the cabin, checking whether everyone has fastened their seat belts. Passenger: - Can I go to the toilet? - Certainly! He flies separately from the plane!

8. Taxiing in Simferopol is very long, passengers take turns unfastening and getting up. The flight attendant asks everyone to sit down for the 3rd time. As a result, it issues the following to the cabin: - Whoever gets up before the “fasten seat belts” light panel turns off will have to clean the plane. Even after the scoreboard was turned off, they got up with apprehension.

9. “There are about 50 exits from a failed relationship, but only 4 come from this plane.”

10. The passenger comes behind the curtain to the conductors and asks: - Do you have a rest room here? I would stretch my legs, stretch. The conductor points to an iron box covered with a blanket and says: - Please! Do not deny yourself anything!

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1. Short flight from Moscow. I go up to a man of Caucasian nationality, I ask him what he wants, juice, water ... He tells me: “Apple”. And he continues to look, then repeats: “Apple!”. I reach for the apple one and then it burst: “Apple!”. A curtain.

2. In Vnuchka, I don’t know for what reason the on-board utensils shop did not work, food was distributed to passengers in bags, like New Year’s gifts, but for some reason there was no portioned salt in bags, it was such a time. Imagine the picture: Eggplant-86, flight to Novosibirsk, full cabin of the elite Russian science full of bewilderment contemplating wires scattering packages with gifts where together lies a slimy blue bird, a cake and eggs in a cracked shell. And behind the cart with gifts, a pretty young girl walks and offers so intimately: - Dear passengers who wants to salt their eggs - put them in the aisle, I'll come to you.

3. After reaching the echelon, the commander reads the information for the passengers. In the cockpit, an instructor and a brand new trainee only from the school, eye and eye. We rustle in the cabin. The commander finished his speech, forgot to turn off the connection with the cabin and continued publicly: "Fuck, what are you doing!" Next, we heard valuable instructions to the trainee in the same style. The crew, like professional runners, climbed over the carts to run to the cabin or station and contact the crew. And all this happened in deathly silence, it was only visible how the faces of the passengers turned pale.

4. They flew from Pevek during the Vnukovo practice. The load was small, something about 30 people sitting in the first salon, and the team was pretty tired from celebrating the birthday of a colleague during the relay race. Only the foreman is fully conscious, picking himself calmly in the kitchen. The rest of the members crouched down to their rations in the second saloon. The brigadier cooked a wonderful soup in a saucepan for the brigade and decided to invite her colleagues to a meal before serving passengers at SSU, but apparently she was also not quite ... in shape. - Well, rasp ... dyay, will you eat or what? -, but in the park I turned off the broadcast to the wrong salon ... Passengers stirred in bewilderment, we must admit the original invitation to a meal. And then they laughed all over the plane, not a single complaint, everyone was processed to Moscow, since it’s not close to fly.

5. At the exit, the lady thanks the crew: - Thank you, we flew so well, but I didn’t understand what kind of plane it was, An or Yak? - This is Airbus 319. - It's clear, is it An or Yak? - An...

6. Winter, flight from Domodedovo, weather a million per million, they refused to pour water, of course. Passengers come in, one asks: - Are we going to pour ourselves? - No, we won't. - How can we not? Winter is! - In this weather, there is no need to douche, please come in, sit down. - Let's get sick, otherwise I won't fly! So no one is forcing you...

7. It was a long time ago with Anton. Winter, 30 degrees below zero. Multi-member crew. The commander always ran out into the street in a short shirt and hat. They boarded the passengers. One asks in the form of a joke: “Girl, are the pilots sober?”. And then the commander rushes from the street and in one shirt, with the phrase: “Guys, it’s not cold at all there” - and runs into the cockpit. The next question from the passenger: - Girl, can you lie convincingly? - Yes. - Then start.

8. Passenger: Do you have dry cleaning on the plane? B/n: No, today is a day off.

9. I go after the flight to hand over the first aid kit. The doctor asks: “Where did you come from?”. Silent pause... "Where did we come from?..."

10. About a year after my dismissal ... I'm sitting at work (at a new one, which has nothing to do with the AFL), a call to my mobile. Dispatcher: "Control room. Is this So-and-so?” I, very surprised: “Yes” D., not letting me come to my senses: “On vacation?” Me: “No” D: “Sick leave?” Me: “No...” (already getting curious) D: “Then tomorrow at 9:05 fly to London on the 777 foreman. I am completely at a loss with a telephone receiver in my hand and round eyes ... Colleagues ask: "Did something happen?". "Yes, they are sending to London tomorrow ...". While I got through to the control room, everyone laughingly advised me to fly to London after all, or at least come on a flight and see if I would fly away. I got through to the control room, for 5 minutes I assured the dispatcher that I couldn’t fly, because last spring (and it was the summer of next year) I quit, and this is the TRUTH, not an excuse! It was funny! I still remember ... By the way, I regret that I did not fly.

11. Previously, who remembers, rolls were brought in plastic bags and an “Aeromar” label was stuck on them, on which was the inscription “BULLS” with a felt-tip pen. So, one girl was flying who loved to play a joke on us, namely on the boys ... Imagine a picture: a spectacular girl approaches you, beautiful, slender, everything is with her and lightly runs her hand over your ass. Of course, you perceive this as a sign of attention and thoughts about some kind of dirty trick, and not close !!! Everything will be known a little later, when you go out into the salon, and you have a sticker with the inscription "BUNS" on your ass!!!

12. The instructor really didn't like the length of one girl's skirt. Short - normal, short - normal ... They argued for a long time, since the instructor is adequate and can listen. The instructor says: “Well, now we are arriving and we ask the first man who enters the plane. If he says that the skirt is short, do not blame me - I will write to you ... ”They sat down, the passengers got off and the first man who got on the plane was a customs officer. - Instructor: man, tell me, does the stewardess have a short skirt? - Nu that you, can be and shorter!

13. Empty approach, everyone relaxed after the flight, one conductor ran into the cabin. Takeoff run, separation and the commander’s phrase: “Haven’t we forgotten the equipment?”

14. Upon arrival after disembarking passengers, a team of cleaners enters the cabin. One of them wants to replace the garbage bag in the kitchen: “Well, where is your trash can?”.